love's not mine .

sunday ~
was stayiing at home tryiing to get people to accompany me go out , but hmmms . no one . really ~~ .. woke up in the afternoon around 1 something and was sitting there wondeering what wil happen in the evening or later ? thinking that todae was gonna be a very bad day , with a very depress mood and everything .. so down .. everything was just not right , and not what i wished for .. around 3 something , just got the mood to go out , but i stil cant find anyone .. joke ehs ? hmmms . feel like shopping and going esplanade so decide to go marina square shopping which is around esplanade , and i can sit at any of the view which can see esplanade .. so i can do many things at one time . =D .. hmmms . was slacking around at home , cant bear to go and bathe .. lols . stil thinking should i go out alone .. den i didn't care anymore cos staying at home wil kill my emotions and me becos i had just finish crying for unvalid reasons .. slack til 4 something .. force myself to bathe and prepare . . calling my father to get 1oo bucks to 2 .. but his fone was like hangiin . and no one can get through him .. was pek chek enuf becos it was late already and i even told myself to get out of the house by 5.3o or 5 .. sat there and was doing my make up .. after 45 mins of calling , i finally get through . my father answered .. becos he was at woodlands and sometimes the damn reception wun get through .. ROAR .. lols . so went down and bought a menthol grape sweet !! lols . and a cute pink lig* tsk , singapore is so shi bai * .. lols . so i asked for a 1oo bucks and he was like " omg , what the hell ue need it for " .. i said , " shopping " . he said " with who , where ? [ normal questions , he always asked ] * i replied " alone . alone . hmmms . [ my tears was wondering around my eyes , damn ] .. " .. he don believe but i say , no , just alone . why ? and he had nothing to say , so diam diam .. whee . was actually going to meet him at mq but he said he was coming to fetch me and asked me to stay at home !! so i was like , omg , omg , i need lighter , later in car how to buy ?! .. den he said he was coming in 2o mins time , so i went down when time was nearly 2o mins .. was so excited nawh , going out alone nehs , shopping somemore .. hter .. lols .. den thinking my father was going to reach , i called him . he said damn 1o mins more . and i was like so lonely downstairr .. sobx ..so after waiting for 1o mins , it was already 6 ! .. i was like , omg ... den he came after 5 mins , he was late for 15 mins . hmmms . when went up to car , he gave me the money and fetch me there . yup . reach there around 6.3o .. so walked alone . den zhu zhu call me oh . find that idert .. but he not with me oh , whakakas . so start my shopping around .. all the way listening to my mp3 .. hehes . first shop i went was the shop which was quite big nawh , dunno what name . was looking at the duan ku .. whee , quite nice oh .. so thinking if i should buy .. den the auntie came .. so kind oh . hehes . talking so good . den i go in try . den she keep take clothes in . hehes . but in the end i only buy one duan ku . hehes . got offer oh . dunno 2o% or 1o% arhs . hehes . so happy . oh ya , that day i go shopping , alot last day offer nehs . hehes . so heng oh . den went to second shop .. ice lemon tea .. wa , buy one get one free oh , if not is offer til si bei kua zhang lar .. hehes . den jiu go see shirt .. whee . see two i like de but very ex ehs . she bu de ~~ whakakas . den buy another de , den the other free de i took the one i always wanted to have .. hehes . want to buy skirt de . but very very damn short , hmms . scared wear le very throw face .. hehes . den walk around .. saw the nice .. damn .. 6 for 2 buck only lar . so pek chek , tsk .. den the acessories , also 6 for $1o .. den i buy . dice i never buy nawh . so many . hang where den waste my $2 .. whakakas . so buy le jiu go out oh .. den walk around jiu walk til one shop .. went in , den all the shirts hang high high de . damn .. jeans all waiwai de . lols .. den saw 2 i like . one black one white . den go try .. hehes . prefer the black de , den buy nor . also got offer oh . 2o% i think . forget le .. whakakas . den buy le jiu go walk walk .. go in few shop but nothing .. den saw one shop de skirt , but very long and short de not really nice ,. the cutting so shucks !! jiu never buy le .. den no where to go le .. hehes . oh ya , nearly buy the press water de , at the cute cute shop .. think is that time that idert say de .. but see le , jiu don wan . so din te .. no where to put in my room . lols .. soon nawh , maybe wil buy .. whakakas . den after that jiu walk walk , go more than words . so big so siians .. hahas . wanna buy the voodo doll de . go pierce die that sylvester lo .. but hao xin de me stil never buy .. hmmms .. fang guo ta .. den i jiu go outdoor .. go smoke ~~ shhh ~~ den that idert say he coming le . den i ask him come fetch me .. very lazy .. cos i wanna go suntec .. hahas . den befer go down taxi stand . walk pass one shop .. 5o% arhs !! den kan zhong one shirt . green shirt . nice nors .. $14.5o nia .. lols . wanted to buy de .. but think think got a feelin that idert wan come le . so never buy . roar . so hou hui . hmmms . all that idert fault .. den rush down cos he call le .. den go suntec nors . hmms . walk walk den saw one necklance . since never buy dao necklance so i buy nors .. hehes . princess de .. so kawaii . lalas . den we walk walk , so siian at suntec .. den we go toy'r's .. whee . go play .. lols . den i go the baby de department .. den got one uncle walk .. den i suddenly thought of something " ehs , why am i walking there arhs ? lols " .. den walk away . whakakas . so obsence nors . lalas . den go arcade .. den very very fast jiu papa come le .. so dui bu qi tat idert .. come le awhile den must go . lols . den i say , " wil bu chang de " .. hehes . den go home .. den papa so surprise i buy so less tings . say why 12o [ 2o is mine ] .. den buy so less things . den i say " uncle arhs . singapore things not cheap arhs . got offer very good le hors .. " lols . den take out the shirt give him see ... rmb the black shirt i last bought ? is the lastest design and the newest design in the shop larhs . !! and he say can buy in thailand easily .. tsk .den i pek chek ask him buy tickets , tmr straight away go thailand .. lols . say i buy hundred of shirts and ku zi give him see . lols . qian ma nawh . .lols .. den reach home aiya . forget what happen le .. hahas . oh ya .try clothes , take photo but i cant upload on blog . tsk .. hehes . i'll try kaes .. den quite early jiu orh orh le .. cos tired .. yawn .. that ends for my nice sunday . i'll hang out every week or when i feel like going out myself le .. no one shall pei me unless people jio me out .. whakakas. some nawh .. some i don wan go out with de , i wun go out de , rather be alone . whhee .. hehes ..

monday ~
omg , todae's a bad day + a okay day .. hees . same arhs , went to sch early morning .. sing song and everything . home econ lessons and then recess , was messaging with my danbai nearly the whole day . den got music , eng and then science .. so tong ku seh .. hehes . todae whole day didn't even sleep in class , only slept 1o mins in home econ lessons . cos we was at the lab . whaakakas . so shuang , but vvery cold nawh . damn .. so cold so cold ~~ grrrr ~~ .. everything was alright til after sch nawh .. cos patrick they all say wan watch movie , but after that all got daiji , dunno what fight de shit .. i don care . ~~ den all lost .. den i and joey go out find them .. one bunch of guys , so kong bu sitting there and standing nawh . all talking . like no prob nehs . den keep ask patrick he keep give loads of quest . den my papa there le . den tuo quite long den force joey go first .. den we go down great world walk walk .. den they come .. hmms . so pek chek nawh . buy tix le never call us .. den me and joey got to buy ourselves .. den they went in without saying or what . kaos . go in le . cannot find them . cal them , no one ans .. den find find find . den sit down watch .. watch the show what nacho libre or dunno what de nawh .. den after that finish le we go toilet .. fark . patrick stand there scare us . but i never tio scare lar , cos i already saw him standing there . but he scare dao meverick . den meverick jump up . den fan ying so kua zhang lar. he ji tao punch patrick lors . den i xia dao . stand beside shao lun see them fight . so pai seh lar . den cannot tahan , actually don wanna care de .. den shout at meverick at the cinema there , but we stil inside there nawh . den shout like hell den walk away .. so tong ku .. hais . den quarrel til very loud .. now all never talk .. haiis . another reason also i throw my temper on him nawh .. haiis . hmmms . kaes nawh . don talk about this after noon le . talk bout now , hehes . me , gerl [ babymint ; huishan ] , tianlong and sylvester lo jiao jiao .. lols . chao hao xiao nors .. gerl come in jiu talk den take them as invisible .. actually very noisy de , but now all cold le .. den syl wan go down buy cigg but scared , lols .. gerl and me left 4 sticks .. syl no more le .. lols . tianlong dunno lar . pek chek him .. lols .. okays nawh . going to concentrate on talking to them liao . hehes . go do other things le .. bye bye arhs .. whakakas .. gerl so kai xin guo . so LIAN ARHS !! hahas .. hao nawh . see ya arhs .. byeiies .


darling gerl ` i don wanna be her , it hurts .. she hurts people and they hurt her too .. why . she don understand what has she done wrong .. let me goo .. hmmms .. sick and tired of life .

im tired .. =) .

i shouldn't have went to ur profile and see the pics ue two took . i get so fcuk up , i dunch know why . i shouldn't have see .. i shouldn't have even go ... why can ue be so happy ?

i wun trust ue again .. not ever . the things ue said , i told ue no , ue said ue wil but after reading ur blog . its a total dissapointment . i hate people keeping things from me when ue don have to . i hate people saying me fake but ue stil FAKE the things ue said . i hate people bluffing me and every thing .. i hate you and ue made me hate ue . ue made me hate ue .. fake reality , u've bluff me since the day i left from ur ** ** ** .. how could ue ? why do ue have to keep it from me den write it on ur blog . u're such a fool . . ue made me such a fool too . no , im not gonna trust any of ue again .especiaaly ur words and promises . get away , ue make me puke .. damn shit . i shouldn't have trust ue .. damn .. ue cant make ur decision right .. sometimes , i regret replying ue ..

darling gerl ` what's friends ? i have none . =) . i really have none , maybe i'll just live on my own ? haas . so disappointed in every single of ue , snatch friends , break promises , being a slut secretly , omdg .. are these friends ? haas . hate myself for being such a fool , coming to outram , opening friendster .. well , i can say nothing .

hen xiang ni ..

i looked through my phone book ytd , this morning , wondering if anyone would accompany me . i cant find any , none . i use to have ue in part of my heart , i wil stil tell myself u're busy and wun be able to accompany me . when u was still here but we was further apart , there's stil people who'll accompany , call me out . now u're gone , things turn worst . i don feel anything yet tears dropping . i cant find anyone to go out with me . no one is here with me til late night . dreamiing of ue fer nights , still waiting .. i feel so alone . how would others be able to feel it ? i thought maybe my family would be able to accompany me but ... nothing . i called my cousin to ask if they wanted to go to my uncle's shop to eat , they say they already at clementi going my aunt's friend house . i know it was impossible already , i called my dad . he was at balastier . and said nothing .. i shouldn't have give bian bian away , i shouldn't have .. if not , i wouldn't be so lonely now . . at least , i stil have things to do , bringing him to east coast .. downstairs . play with him .. cryin , laugiin with him . i miss his barking .. i blame myself for not listening to cyn , i promise to take care of him de .. can i have him back ? i gave him away , i thought she would be there .. i thought they would always be there ....... but now , everyone left , i'am left alone and no bian bian .. everyone of you thought u're always here for me , im sorry , i cant feel anything . i miss bian bian , i miss runiing around with him , i miss the days i turn my head around and see him lyin on the bed . i miss him jumpiing up to my chair .. will someone briing him to see me ? wil someone give me back him ? i have not see him since the day he left me in the middle of the night .. * crying to myself terribly , looking around .. wondering if he would appear .. * i miss him .. i look through my 216 contacts in my phonebook , no use . no one i can think of . this shows everythiing ... people ask me , why do my blog always get so sad ? i always wanted to ask them back this question but i did not , i wanted to ask , den why none of you can make me happy like i use to be ? den why cant ue all be there ? so why not bring them back and every single one of them back , den maybe u'll see my blog happily .. why not ask urself why my blog gets sad only when they left , who not read my previous blogs ? have i been sad ? i told ue no one understand .. i have long said but every one of ue said ue all understand . but wil ue know the feeling of being lonely when ur contacts is 216 .. and no one is here ? when everyone is leaving ? when people bluff ue and ue wun be able to understand ? when people promise but everything was damn FAKE . ? how would any of ue understand ? when ue go everywhere alone ? when ue shop alone , trying clothes , shoes alone ? when ur friends can say , oh , im havin exam , oh im working , oh , i going out le , oh , cannot lar , i todae cannot go out , oh , i have to go home early becos got sch [ when sometimes ue all can hang out with others til so late even if its is A SCHOOL DAY . ] , oh , i todae don feel like going out lei .. * let me tell ue people , this is what i get .. when i try to treasure , when the time i've learn , ue people are all gone .. all these reasons , do ue know how hurting isit to receive ? when i can rush down for someone no matter what im doing anytime .. when i can just rush down in the middle of the night , trying my best if i can . would cal , would message when ue people are alone . ? no matter what mistakes u've done .. why am i the only one who can do all this ? why am i the only one whose patience so good ? damn good .. why can i do thesse things but none of ue can ? can i be the one who is havin all these ? can i not be the one who is doing all thesse foolishly ? ue people say i dunch know how to treasure ue guys , den ue all just leave .. how bout me ? have ue guys thought of the good things of mine ? have ue guys think of the good and how i treat ue all those times mar ? no , no .. no . none of ue can say yes cos ue would just think bout the bad and when i give attitude ? which damn bitch in the world has to attitude ?! .. fail as a friend , not me , is ue all ............... a friend , and everything . i try to give the best to everyone of ue , but what i get back ? gerl , the patience i've gave to ue , the waiting and everything ue and i can think of .. and ue just leave like that .. don ue feel anything ? can ue not appear in ffront of me ? can i not see ue smile and laugh when ever i see ue ? can ue don play with them ? why am i the one u're ignoring ? im sure i've done no wrong , its just becos u've found the true best friend . no , to me its not ur best friend , she's a breaker to me .. no .. i don even know what im talking about . no , not her . i dunch know , i dunch know .. i don wanna noe anything anymore .. everything are all lies .. wanted to call ue out for the last day todae but cant have the courage , wanted to say lets take nothing has happen for todae , just todae but i cant call ue . u'll be working again right ? or going out with her ? ue seemed so happy going out with her . you bu jian de ni hui na me kai xin ru guo shuo he wo chu qu .. nvm le .. its currently 2.33 pm now , i guess i wil just be alone at home .. i guess every day would be like that .. next week , next next week , til the day u've come back . maybe ?


darling gerl ` bian bian , im sorry . i know you must have forgotten me le .. but i miss ue , really miss ue .. how i wish ue wil rmb me til todae .. ue went at the wrong time , i called them at the wrong time . everything was wrong . the first day ue came , the three of us slept on the floor . i hugged ue . the last day ue went , i was alone with ue . kissing ue goodbye .. packing ur things while crying .. and that was the night i let ue go .. no one has brought ue to me since the day .. i have not visit ue .. ni hui shen wo de qi mar ? hmmms . when will i get to see ue ? bian bian ~~ can i have ue back ? pls ....* tears * ....

i hate everyone , every single one of ue ..

their words , promises , and everything they said to me .. etc ; accompany me no matter where they are when i need'em . just a cal and they wil be there . meet up . not contacting some ppl i don like . not talking . everything .. fake .lies .. all lies .. told them not to care about me , their reply wil always be , why . i'll always be here . i'll care . everything .. what do i get now ? what .. * tears dropping * i get nothing .. no accopany .. while everyone of ue is happen . preparing for tmr . mondae .. later .. what am i doing ? lying on bed hoping someone would call to do something i like .. hoping someone would come all the way to pei me .. hoping the person i want to pei me wil come automacticly .. but where are you all ? days been lonely without her .. been quiet .. i've been cryiin . im startin .. everything all over again .. hoping her number would ring on my phone . pick up and its her . hoping when i open my door , i'll just see you . surprise . everything . hoping everything would start when we just become best frens . everything .. but ue cant , and im waiting .. its torturing . its lonelineess . why .. .. i've given up everything now .. no use talking to me .. no use saying sorry after ue people readin this .. becos it hurts .. the way ue all treat me now ,, seems like im in the wrong in everything when no one understands . sometimes , ending everything is all i can do ..


darling gerl ` tears rolling as im writing all this .. tears rolling everywhere and no maatter what i do .. whose here ? no one .. fakers .. liars !! fark off . goo away . go far far away . i just don wanna see anyone of ue . ue all's at fault .. ue all make me feel alone . so i just wanna be alone now .. words . promises ? fake .. lies .. i don wan anything anymore .. i don need ur counselling and talking .. its all useless to me now , its all nonsense , all rubbish . a pile of shit is what i think for ue people .. im sorry .. i have to say this becos this is how ue make me feel .........

you rob my heart and ran away with it , far far away ..

it took away my paiin .. everythiing ..

this few days . lucky to have joey by side . her doiing those stupid things outside . for two days i've been eating sakae sushii . sux lar . damn .. hees . we play with the food and hide it everywhere . throw it into the cupboard . squeeze inside the wasabi goiing round and round .. hide inside the paper .. take foolscap and wrap it and den throw it outt secretly .. just put the food on the goiing round and round de thingi .. lols . squueze it into the cup . or put the plate back ,, dunno nawh . alot nawh .. hahas . todae joey hors . dunno what happen to her lar .. laugh laugh laugh .. den cry den laugh den cry .. faints . bu guan le . i wan go do the what 2o thinggii liao . lols .. questions lai de lar .. lols .

Name twenty people you can think of right now. Don't read the question(s) until you've named the 20 people .

1.KELSON [ idiot . ]
2.zhu zhu . [ dear dear ] .
3.xin hui . [ love ]
4.patricia . [ always sweetie ] .
5.cynthia . [ sweetheart ] .
6.joey . [ idiot toot ] .
7.eileen [ cousin ] .
8.joanne [ queestown ] .
9.zean . [ bloated pig ] .
1o.ethel [ precious . ] .
11.chen yong jie [ special friend ] .
12.caiyann [ danbai ]
13.weirong [ baobeix baby ] .
14.xiaopiing . [ kor ]
15.alan peh . [ idiotic fren who finds me only when he's bored ] .
16.sylvester lo jiao jiao . [ creator of hell ] .
17.meverick . [ skiinny pole ] .
18.cassandra . [ keaii ] .
19.wanjiing [ laopo . ] .
2o.darryn [ kana stranger liao ] .

bleahs . the rest tmr write lar .. no body pei me le .. will papa de . i go rest on bed le . muahahas . take care oh peeps . iloveyon ; .


darling gerl ` do ue even care how much i suffer ? late tears .. when i see her cry , i nearly broke down myself too ..

i;am tired .. tmr den write bahs . very siians suddenly . hmmms

darling gerl ` i walked away , tears rolling .. i know its a sooner or later thing im gonna go crazy again ..

sylvester lo jiao jiao . lols . named by me .. muahahas . ~ .

i realise everyone's always blaming me when i'am not at fault , they don care to understand ...

i'am fat i'am fat ~~ really fat ~~ damn cynthia dunno how to give face . she just shoot right up to me and pinch my fats and say that im fat . fark fark fark . so fark up . cant get slimmer . i die also wan save money go jian fei zhong xin jian fei . lols . this few days got alot people say i fat le .. meverick and patrick also .. that ******** jia xin also .. damn lar . siao liao lar . i dunch like ... buuuuu ~~ .. pls remind me to jian fei okays . hehes . hao de hao de ..

whee . tmr lydia ho coming back to school le . dunno she got bluff me like that alan anot . fark seh . hehes . she come back jiu got people pei me le . jiu got people pei me siao siao , play majong . chiong here and there like idiots le .. stil got janeet ehs . muahahas . she that time quit school bo jio . if this time i steady steady de can quit sch .. i don jio her quit le . muaahahas . her frens ask her go back she jiu go back .. can quit stil go back .. diiaos . gerl , its a nightmare .. why come back ? lols . im gonna see how you suffer le . hehes .

why throw it in the dustbin ? i rather read it .. why can't ue give me a chance for me to read it ? is that not important to you ? keep ur tears and tell urself ue should be hating me .. ue should be angry and not cry .. no , ue don cause the drifting among us .. ue don .. you can be with me all the time . it was me who was selfish .. becos i want someone like her .. i need someone to be with me always and she did it . i thought it would last but i didn't know things would end up like that .. u was perfect , but i was selfish .. gerl , its all fated de . rmb i once hate her ? who ask me talk to her ? who ask her talk to me ? who ask me with darryn and she with kc .? when they were two bestiies ? its fated de .. ya , we use to quarrel and have fun .. but it has not ended .. becos its always alive .. we can have it back once things come clear .. i cant enjoy my life now and its obvious . you can see . blame me fer my attitude and character .. maybe .. ya .. hmmms . i dun wish anything for ue to do .. just need ue to hao hao de take care urself , her , and laopo . my warning to you , her and laopo " DON GET TO CLOSE TO JUDY ONG . DON TRUST HER ACTING .. WE CAN SEE ONLY UE THREE .. I HOPE U'LL UNDERSTAND .. " .

we were once those people admire , we were once people loved seeing us . they love and get jealous the closeness we have .. the trust and everything . they never thought it would end just like that .. everyone was surprised .. were you being asked what had happen ? becos im just like a star with reporters around being ask loads of questions . and it all concerns about ue .. we're just like the characters in those fairy tales but although all ended up happily after , us ended up with misery .. life is never smooth anymore .. its always bumping around without ue . ue can smile , ue can laugh .. but i wonder if ue stil think about me ? about the blog i've write days ago .. wil you believe it ? i dunch know .. im so sorry if i've cause ue anything , just take care . hais .. i cant stand people asking anymore .. its nonsense .. just nonsense , irratating and it hurts so much .. how much they admire us and this is how it ended ,. they say everything just disappoint them , right in front of their eyes ...

darling gerl ` make me laugh with no worries .. wil someone pls ?

i cant feel any pain once i think of you .

faints . i eventually forget what happen this few days . i only know that day go with lydia put ak behind my back . den we go chinatown mam mam . wait for janet . den we actually wan go watch movie de . but too late , papa don let . den got one guy take number from me . faints . ask one gerl come take from me . den dunno wan for what . lols . don care . den after that dey come my house . we play majong .. den the cards so small lar . hahas . so after that we slack here and there den go watch vcd .. once on i jiu sleep liao . den i go room orh orh . den they watch . think they watch two vcd . den around 7 like that they go home i think .lols . so entertaining . i blur blur de wake up help them open door . hahas . den next day meet joanne baobeix and that carrilyn arhs .. dunno nawh .. hmmms . den wait for them at town very long . den pei them go mam mam le .. go shopping . den buy presents give my niece . den i ownself go put ak again den they go bugis . actually got go bugis with them go find alot people de . cos ytd alot people at bugis . den my babymint also there mar . but the end don have . den i go put ak nors . den put playboy . i know look gei nawh . but i wun regret de . lols . den take taxi go cousin house for niece b'dae celebration . so siians lar . den evenin like that . patrick and meverick come find me . so we go down slack . go drink . den i go back cousin house . like that nors . nothing much this few days .. cant rmb anything . hmmms . den ytd early jiu sleep le . doze off de . hmms . doze off til this morning 7 something .. den wake up quickly go out off outside de light and my room de . heng papa never wake up seh . if not i tio seh . lols . so tiao on com til now since one something nawh . cos i got sleep back mar . siians ehs . hmmms . i wan go out den nobody wan go out . lydia ytd drink alot den todae bo lat . cannot get up . den danbai keep don wan go out . den zhuzhu got work . den cyn do what project cannot go out . meverick and patrick dunno at lan arhs . den tiao at lan don wan come out . faints lar . i so alone . diiaos . poor me seh .. todae purposely don go work den now i end up like that . hmmms . don care nawh . now wondering who can go out or what . so siians nors . roar . maybe got meet danbai . dunno lar . lols . bu guan le . maybe if never go out . at night meet cyn darling go mam mam dinner . hmmms . hao nawh . say other things le . later what wil happen i dunch know nawh . just hope i can go out . lols . so fark up staying at home . whakakas . lalalas .

when im not with you , you're not at work . why ? i see ue online and im thinking why . waiting for ue to chat with me cos i don have the courage too . wondering why .. am i so fark up til ue can find work to not to meet me ? i dunch know .. i really dunch know anymore . ur name wil be writen , u'll be rmbed . you'll be closely but silently taken care by me every now and then . u'll be always missed . * even queenstown and gan eng seng people know we're gone . * they asked me why . how should i reply ? can you tell me why ?

why cry after reading my blog ? why cry ? save ur tears , it shouldn't be for me . i know we're drifting apart .. its not becos of anything . i'am sorry i stil blame JUDY ONG . becos if weren't for her , i wouldn't end up like that . she's damn telling the whole class that its my fault causing everything to end up like this . not only her but you and laopo . do you mind helping me asking her to shud her mouth up before anything would happen to her ? i know you don wish to lose me or her . i understand . but u have early lose me since u're so cold . no , should be i losing ue becos i'll always stil be here . nahs , u're not selfish at all . i know how you feel . don say ue shouldn't have met me in the first place .. its all fated . if i hadn't listen to you and come to outram , maybe nothing like this would happen . maybe if i continue and listen to myself to go to fuhua , i may not be like this anymore but just a chao ahlian on the streets with a bunch of idiots , with my baobeix . thanks for keeping our memories deep in ur heart . ours in my heart wil always stay alive , i'll always rmb those days when we was stil in primary school , those memories in class , canteen , pond , parade square , hall , every where . every part of radin mas wil always be our memory . so i'll just hope whenever ue go back to radin mas or walk pass the school of ours , u'll rmb me and memories wil flash . my memories for ours wil always stay alive becos i rmb how we ended up like that and once so close . i rmb how we did it till now , today . since we are getting further , i really have nothing to say anymore . im losing the three of you , i cant do anything but just look and see how three of you are going away . * JUDY ONG THAT FARKING IDIOT IS NOT INCLUDED * . if ue dunch know who the three of ue is , think ! . hmmms . i can only see . thats all i can do . its all her fault .. all that J faults .. rmb me kaes . just rmb our memories wil do it great =) .. i'll miss you , i hope u'll miss me too .. hais .

i stil have four more to go . no , 7 . this is what i promise myself =) . i wanna quit school as soon as possible . i wanna have my freedom back as ssoon as possible . this is the only thing i wish for =) . loves .

darling gerl ` a house of lesbians . thats what i love . i wanna tattoo all my pains away . this is the only thing i love .. i'll just tattoo one time if i feel any pain or broken piecees in my heart . i know i love doing this . ~ i found my hobby =p . hmmms .

memories flashed . crying , writing .

i can't stand ur damn attitude and character anymore . i dunch care who ue are with or anything . you're just so damn damn fark . if the bell hadn't ring , miss chan never come . i would just slap ue right in front of ur dears , ur senior . i make sure u'll throw ur face in front of them . i cant stand ue acting ke lian in front of them . i cant stand ue acting innocent and everything . oh for goodness sake , i've known ue for more than a year , ue think i won't understand ue ? oh please .. stop complainng to others about me . its useless becos i don give a damn anymore .. i've lost so many . its ue who made her so cold towards me . no its not only her . its her n her . can ue don throw bung de face mar . ue make them hate me . i'll make people hate you . i want them to hate ue til no ones with ue . stop turning ur words round and round . i've tolerate for weeks . one more time , i warn ue here .. im sure she wil tell ue so im warning ue . one more time i hearrd anything from ue to me . i'll not let ue off . i wil not . ue make them misunderstand me . ue told them that things which were not true . and now ue ended me up like that . i'll curse ue . curse the damn hell out of ue . how i wish i had slap ue todae , how i wish i had scratch ur skins off .. stop acting ke lian , innocent . stop being so fake . i can seee .. my friends can see . only them .. they cant see .. cos you told them things which weren't true and i had not the chance to explain myself . its your fault , all urs . ue shouted at me ehs ? saying its not ur fault ehs . show me .. show me .. slap me if ue dare .. why dunch ue dare to say things bad about me right on my face ? why must ue tell joey and huihui ? why must ue tell the dogs of outram ? save urself some face .. you took them away .. took them far far away . ue must have bribe them with ur acting . lets wait and see . rmb .. don throw our " lesbians " face .. for damn shit ... eu are such a shame .. one more time .. i've not been so fed up for three years .. u broke my record ... wait .. lets wait and see what wil happen next okays ? stop diaoing me .. stop staring at me . its useless becos ue are useless . ue dunch dare to talk about me in front of me .. such a turtle i look down on . hopeless shit .. never want me to forgive ue . its impossible . i dun need anyone to help becos its over the limit of my toleration .. i wil just carry everything that i gonna do to ue myself ..

i didn't meant to push ue away todae .. ue know me .. i told you .. you know my attitude and character ... i know she must have said alot of things .. don deny .. i know you blame me for pointing and shouting and pushing ue away but im really sorry . i cant stand her anymore .. i really cant .. i nearly broke down todae when scolding ue . since the day she left , i've never led a tear .. i know myself . the worst thing is im not crying .. cos everything keeps inside .. til one day , if i really goonna break down . everything wil be just in a mess . i agree its a big blow to me , becos we promise each other not to leave no matter what happen .. i know u're happy , i know u're not caring anymore .. but i really cant take it .. if i've cried todae , if i've break down todae . history would repeat itself .. nothing can be done out of it anymore . i've kept my tears and sorrows in heart and mind .. no one knows how it hurts .. im stating the fact .. imr eally so out of control now .. im really sick of being myself without ue . im stil not use to it . it hurts myself looking at ue walking away .. it hurts me not replyin ur hies .. i cant do anything anymore . how i wish i could forget . i walk pass ue seeing ue smiling with them , but i cant take it when i see ue laughing and playing with tat farker .. i cant .. there was a few times , tears flow in school after seeing ue . turn away , running to the toilet was all i can do . the small little piece of letter left on ur table without ur replies , is the last and only letter .. i'll never bother ue but ue cant stop me from missing ue , caring ue .. ue can't stop me from anything , everything about ue . i sang the songs we've sang together , i lost my mood . * crying *

darling gerl ` i don mind not having any friends . i mind without you around .. even if its not as a friend . i said i choose the selfish way of not even being friends but i cant do it . every blog's wil contain something about you everytime .. ~ . dunch ue realise ?

i wanna live on my own . wanna trust only myself and no one else . everyone's a liar including my own counsellor . she promise me she would be there if i wants to quit school or have any big probs but i've been calling her for days , there's no ans . i'am starting to trust every decision i make myself . . . even if it turns out bad . wo da ying zi ji bu hui hou hui . hmmms . i know myself that im a type which prefer to do things i like instead of doing thing i don like . the reason i wanna quit school becos i believe study cant do everything . nothing . don tell me to finish my O level or what shit den say ..i wun regret , i wun . stop telling me to continue studying ..

leave me alone .. alone for a few days . let me think .. think clearly .. don ask me to do things i gonna do .. no .. i'am sick and tired of people scolding and nagging . don tell me to be guai guai and study and don go out so people wun scold or nag or what shit . don tell me all kinds of nonsense i hate . shudup wil you . just shudup ..

darling gerl ` hais .

ru guo de shi .

i'am really really tired lar . before writing my this blog , i just doze off and wake up from my chair . lols . so hot seh . my air con kana spoil . lols . well . everyday's nearly the same , see her , end up to no mood . without thinking , it surely feels much beetter cos they're with me but it always hurts . hmmms . nothing le nors . after school either go out with them eat jiu shi go shop shop if not is come my house . if not is stay back in school . hmmms . den at 6 go work . that's why so tired . this few days keep working . si bei shag lar . whole day sleeping in class . teacher also cannot tahan me . lols . like that nors . hms . todae also the same . go school and bla bla bla . den after that saw zean and he's fren . dunno who lai de . so surprise oh . whakakas . den saw kelson after zean . faints . hehes . know he's goiing to come nawh . cos got say den bluff me never come . but this type sure come de . but funny thing is come le , eat le jiu go home le . faints hors ? too free ehs .. lols . okays nawh . maybe after blog jiu go sleep le . dunno tmr got meet my babymint mar . hmmms . call her or message her later den sae bahs . lalas .

any feelings de things or what shit de . next time i not tired le or got ling gan le den write bahs . now my blank . cannot write anything . having headache . tired . hmmms . hais .

life without you . people have been asking me about you . tell me what should i say ? they can see , and i know they know . but they just wanna make me go crazy .. its all about you . no matter when .. everyday . at least one time . you'll always be on mind . i know life without me for you is good . i dunch know why for you but im worry bout myself . . .

you wun know who you are . but im really goiing damn farking crazy becos of you . never expect me to trust ue ever again becos i've trust ue too many times . i thought i could trust ue fully this time but its really my disappointment . this is how ue treat me , i'll never forgive . you can't see that im fed up with ue . ue wun see n cant see that im damn angry with ue .. so if anyone's guilty .. pls change .. don ask me who this person is , dun use all kinds of ways . its really impossible for me to say ..

i wanna forget ue . with no reasons why . u'll find me not contacting ue one day . u'll see me not online everyday although im always online . ue wil not see me anywhere .. i dunch no why but i really gotta that feeling i really wanna forget ue to jian qing one of my ya li . ue wun know that is ue even if u're reading cos only zhu zhu know . zhu zhu . promise me don say . not even a single soul . don say ~~ . hmmms . if fate brings us back together [ as frens or talk again ] , then i've really nothing to say . but for now , i really wanna stop everything from ue ..

i have no more privacy in my blog .. no more . what should i do . how do ue put ur password . hmms . only some with ur password can log in to ur blog . cos i cant write everything now . and its really uncomfortable . damn ...


darling gerl ` don take me as a toy . don take me as ur soft toy . don ~~ . i'am getting out of hands .. i know myself . what's happening to me ... i dunch know . don care me . don care . don ask .. cos i don wan anyone asking me anything about my blog . do me a favour to those peeps who always read my blog ? whatever i write , even if it consist ue or not , don ask . don change ur attitude towards me .. nothing .. maybe this is the privacy i need . never ask anything about my blog .. unless i find ue to talk .. hmmms .tsk .

horoscopes . 18o7o6 .

TAURUS :

If an innovative idea makes you uncomfortable now, you must listen all the more!Sometimes it's very healthy to expose yourself to things that make you uncomfortable. So today, if a conversation turns to a topic you don't enjoy or a person makes a comment you don't agree with, don't change the subject or walk away. Just let yourself feel uncomfortable for a while. Understand that other people think differently than you -- and that it's okay. You've become a more understanding and accepting person, which will lead to more calm joy in your life.

ARIES :

People are ready for you to make your move -- and eager to help you, so just ask!You still need to get yourself more involved in the rhythms and activities of the people around you -- these folks are looking to you for a new idea or trend, and they have confidence that you'll dream up something major. If you need assistance getting something off the ground, just ask the supportive crowd that surrounds you. They have excellent ideas and are eager to help. You need to realize that the people you've chosen to include in your life are there for a reason.

PISCES :

Forces around you can help you get in the right place at the right time -- just ask.This whole Lone Ranger act must stop -- it's time to integrate yourself back into the lives of the people around you. The ideal opportunity to do this is coming into your life right now, so take advantage of it. Ask for help, ideas and opinions from the people you've distanced yourself from. Showing them that you value what they have to say will solidify your relationships and encourage the forces around you to help you get back on track. You'll be headed in the right direction before you know it.

CANCER :

Get ready to find new insights toward a particularly confusing work situation now.Your work or school environment has been interesting (but also a bit challenging) lately, but that changes today. You discover a few new insights on the motivation behind the odd actions of others. There are things you never knew before, things that should clear everything up and things that give you a sneak peak about what could be coming next. This advance information will prepare you for an opportunity you've been waiting for.

LIBRA :

You don't need to come up with the right idea -- you just need to find a better one.How you react to bizarre comments shows people a lot about who you are and how you think. Today when you're challenged and asked to come up with a quick answer, don't fret -- keep your cool and just let your heart tell you what to do. Don't get caught up in attempting perfection, because you don't need to come up with the right answer -- you just need to have a reply that will satisfy the people who have presented you with this challenge. Go for speed over accuracy.

quit school !! i want !!

roar , just so happy so happy with todae lar . muahahas . never thoughtt that our class stil have this day . hehes . same arhs , i went to school . but i ended up late . with sandy wishing to tio suspension cos todae's lesson is damn boring . hahas . the end got nothing but just form A , dunno got to write down why im late and what i should do to prevent . hahas . den at that moment , i was thinking , damn , i'll always be late . how to don late . lols . so i just entertain tat wong wong and write down . hoping to see shawal becos he wil give suspension . muahahas . den i was left alone with two damn guys outside the general office , waiting for wong wong to give permission to go . hahas . cos my first period is home ed . so i was thinking which floor to go ! * pss , i eventually forget . tsk * . den went all the way to 3rd floor . saw vincent and ask becos i cant find . * i felt like an idiot at that current moment * . hahas . den he said that he dunch know also . so i was like thinking * opppx , our school kids are hopeless , well .* den he suddenly asked wether was it the 2nd floor . and then i looked down and realise it was . so went down and saw shao lun walking towards the room too . he said that chia chia kpkb . ask him go buy work book . so we walked in together . and everybody was like " omg . omg " . den i was like wondering why they did that . til now , i stil dunch know . lols . den after that got recess . we go swimming pool there mam mam . this few months , everyday go ehs . hahas . so becos i was having gastric for nearly two days . i was suffering the whole day todae . so tong ku . but nvm , im currently stil suffering . ran hou ner , after recess got that music thingi . so sians . but the end patrick was asking me if i want to go watch the pirates of the carribean . or dunno how to spell lar . lols . bean bean ~~ . muahahas . so i was thinking , ehs , since i nothing to do in the afternoon and no where to go . so go together watch nors . since we this few days so close and im really bored . so was deciding . den i told weisheng , den he sae he also wanna watch . so i became the planner again , and was asking around . the end many of us was going . never ask de , they ownself also got plan going . and we all going same place . hahas . so after that one bunch of guys and only 3 girls . me , joey , huihui . damn , we are danm close this few days lar . den our here total got 9 . so becos the show was 2.5o , but we was stil pulling our time when it was already 2 . lols . the end we really must chiong le . so took 2 taxi , seperated . muahahas . so dots lar . alot of quarrel but ended up closer todae . hahas . stil got two guys hug hug together de . faints dui mar ? hahas . den i was like piaoing ~~ here and there saying , why i no bao bao . ahahas . den everybody was giving me a damn kind of look . hahas . den they was looking at the price at the cinema of the food . cos everyone of us haven take lunch . hahas . den they say ehs , very ex . go down the supermarket buy . lols . den we say okays nors . very kia su hors. hahas . we go buy chicken . curry puff . fishball . seafood dunno what . drinks . boxes of ice cream . drinks . sushi . crackers . hotdogs . popcorn . lols . ALOT HORS ?! lols . eat til so funny lar . i feed meverick and patrick and weisheng . cos they behind us . den they keep call mummy . faints . am i that old ? roar . the show very long nors . around 2 and a half hours . hahas . backside nearlly crack . ahahas . den they keep playing lar . inside the theatre nors . den i buey tahan . lols . den rmb just now i say stil got my other friends go ? den i count . total got 2o nors . all guys only 3 girls . hahas . after movie we so noisy inside lar . our place there si bei luan nors . lols . all food surrouded . muahahas . that person clear de sure ki siao . den after tat most of them go home and go walk walk or go lan . but me , joey , meverick and patrick wait for my papa . meverick and patrick pei us wait cos they going bugis later to collect things mar . hahas . den we sit one side . so funny lar . patrick keep holding joey hand . den they bite here and there . she bite his hand . he bite her hand . lols . bite alot nors . kana love bite on hand . then so rou ma . eee . hahas . * pss . they love each other but two die also dun wan confeess * lols . den after that i keep pinchin and biting meverick . then threaten him with " somethings " . den he bo bian . only can ren . hahas , can see he is very tong ku . they siao de lors . pull skirt de . damn . den we keep playin . den my ke lian meverick de hand so faints . all so er xin . cos i pinch using my nails . den very long mar . hahas . patrick and joey de hand more style . all bite de marks . muahahas . their business nawh . mine nothing jiu ke yi le . lols . den after tat papa jiu call we jiu go le . ehehes . den they go nors . now so busy chatting and smsing and watchin tv lar . hehes . so busy . hands wanna drop le . whakakas . okays nawh . think tmr got work . bu zhi dao nawh . see nors . den tmr update my day . hehes . sure alot of suaning tmr . hao de , finish le . dunno todae gonna sleep mar . cos meeting them at 5 or 6 tmr . hahas . see bahs . bye . miss me . !

tiff break with stead le . starting her cutting and bla nawh . hais . this few days again must pei her 24 hours le . told her not to cut den she say befer i sae she jiu cut and cry and message that bastard le . damn . he's damn farker lar . tat time nearly wan find me prob nors . den i kbkb with him . hmmms . fark , break also good . see tiff so tong ku .also wil heart pain .

okays le . go le . if later got anything den come back write . hehes . i got a feeling i got few things forget write . hahas . busy now . later coming . gastric is back . i wan cook noodles . oh ya , damn syl sae all my friends are what NOODLERS . lols . cos gang hao alot of my friends cooking noodles . ehehes . kaes nawh . go le . muacks .

darling gerl ` im sorry lar , but i really look down on queenstown people . i dunch know nawh . just si bei play cheat in somethings which shouldn't be say out nors . hmmms .

fark blog . i don think i gonna use it if it continues like that . fark .

arhs . fark lar . damn pek chek lar . write farking damn long blog and everything gone . fark lar . no mood . damn long lar . fark .

its bleeding . bleeding .

i guess i really have a very bad attitude and character towards those peeps who were around me this pass few months or years . or am i really really that bad to be losing them . i swear , i've tried my best , to treat them the best . but why am i always getting the bad comments or so called " retribution " back ? why can't people especially my friends rmb the things i've done for them and forgive me ? why can't they tolerate ? why do they think that jus tolerating abit means alot to them . ? so how bout me ? i've already tried smiling and laughing fer this past few weeks but my thoughts wil just go wild as soon as im alone at home . i cried and suffer a kind of pain i never had befer this morning . i dunch know . but i rmb and i clearly do rmb , i can hear the breaks of my heart , the feel of it , it hurts . alot . the thoughts of those memories when i use to be young . the pamper and care and understanding my family especially my father always gives . but i just cant feel it todae . nothing . the respect of my friends to me , i cant feel it too . and it breaks . no , im not saying im alone . i jus cant understand why it hurts so much . i can't sleep if i don write these down , becos these words flow in mind . i wonder why . when my father shouted in the morning todae , bangin the doors of my room , shouting to me , i nearly broke down in front of him . thats when i can feel my heart breaks . now . im really tired . now , i realise im selfish . im tired of typing my feelings down , tired of every single thing . im selfish , becos i feel the jealosy of my friends talking to other people . im selfish . . . so selfish . the reason i hate myself is just becos i cant accept myself for being like that . i've tried being the best i can be , i've tried doing things i can't , but since people don see it , i don think i should be like that . if this is normal that we people wil always go through feelings like that , then i would rather be abnormal .....

i can't make you smile , i can't make you laugh . i can't bear to see you down . looking at ur blog , can see you'll get down fer some things but i dunch know what . i dunch know how to ask but i hope you could share . can see caiyan can make you happy and i hope he really does . so hms , caiyan , wo kao ni le . don drink or smoke too much okays . you noe its not healthy . sometimes i never reply ue , or never message ue , maybe i doing my things or maybe suddenly just wanna be alone . or anything . but you know i'll always be missing you . i need you arhs , dunch ue dare to leave a step from me okays my devil =) . take care whenever i cant be with you . take care .....

i dunch know why til today i cant give you an ans . its not becos of her , not becos of anione , just myself . i stil cant give myself a second chance to so call " start anew " ? i stil cant put a 1oo% trust on you or myself . no reason why . really really no reason . cos i dunch even know myself . i can bear to hurt ue once again and maybe even let myself get hurt by you again . i told you im selfish .. rmb about ur horoscope thing ? rmb the accomplishment you might make todae ? actually i can give you ur ans . i even called your name when i was goiing home soon , rmb ? i nodded my head and then shake and then nooded again . you dunch know what i meant and even asked . something pull me from nodding my head again and telling you what i was nodding and shaking about . it pulls me away . i stil can't give an ans . i stil can't . im stil afraid of dunno what shit what hell shit . damn shit ... i just dunch know . and i know this prob dosen't concerns anyone . give me time .. i really need loads and dozens and loads of time . i dunch know what ans wil it be , i dunch even know myself . don pin ur hopes on me to high . pin it low , very low . cos im really scared . i can do anything , anything with you , but i just cant give an ans . i really hope we can be back when we just knew each others around 2 years ago , so everything would be just so pure .. so clear .... * thinking look * . you can find someone better than me . ue can just tell me suddenly that you have found another someone ue love loads . i wun blame ue , i wun hate you . cause i know its just isn't ur fault .. don treat me too good .. i wil take advantage . and im afraid i'll just use you . i dunch know how wil i use , im just afraid . im sorry , so sorry for you to just to wait like that ..

precious . don blame me if i don message or contact ue now . because im just too use to people or friends contacting me . im use to them calling or messagin me themselves . maybe if one day , or a few days , ue peeps receive my message automaticlly . den maybe tat wil be the day when wo yi jing xiang tong le . ye shu nar tian shi wo yi jing hui hao hao de zhen xi ni men le .. i miss you too okays . i miss your tsk and many many more . ue too must take care oh . also got read ur blog , ue also seemed happy without me also mar . so must be happy okays . smiles fer ue =) . bless you bless you bless you =p . bleahs .

you wrote a very very hurting and short testi in friendster for me . ue said we wouldn't be as close as last time , ue said we wil only be friends . im sorry i cant do it . again i choose the selfish way of not even being friends . i dunch know why you dunch wan tell wen about our thing . i know you have ur reasons . i would blame ue . maybe ue think im just being unreasonable , but i've told ue , this few weeks when u're not with me , things change . even if its just awhile . i'am tired of telling you i miss you , i need you without any replies . i cant do it anymore , im off the cliff for you . you feel happy now , im glad . you miss her , i know . i'll just let you be cos i know i cant change ue . and pssss , btw , about judy ong thing . if she ever tell you . and ur blog is talking about me . pls understand first . if ue trust her and ue think she really look innocent like how she is . pls .. don trust her . im not asking ue to trust me but don misunderstand me .

im going to sleep , im working later at 12 . im tired . i know i'll die of working later . nahs , let me be , i rather die . nothing much happen todae . i went out with cyn and kel . went out to eat and walk walk . we went suntec . went to kbox . went home . meverick and patrick wanna meet me . joey and her fren also . hmms . went down meet them talk . after tat they come my house . it was already one something . and then joey and her friend came and then awhile later go again . leaving me with those idiots , watching slither again . stil find its er xin . hmmms . den papa wake up . den too bad , they gotta go . then they go at dunno what time . hmmms . all the way lying on bed , now then come write blog . so tired so tired . meverick and patrick tonning , now no where to go . kel sms til half sleep . first time he sleep first . never message devil dear dear zhu becos now message her scared message til half sleep . in the end also the same , rather wait til tmr i have the time . calling that joey no ans . say 4 something meet the end she sleep . nnot meet me lar . meet meverick and patrick . den they cannot find her come fan me . hmmms . den i pek chek shout shout shout , den they diam diam . now never fan le . tmr wonder they how . got a feeling they coming find me . hmmms . dunno ah boy de bro b'dae arhs . den ask me tmr go his house for what bbq . faints . wonder got go mar . if go what wil happen ner . i also dunno the family . faints . go there do extra . dunno is he call fer fun or real de . don care . hmms . continue tmr de work first . kaes . go sleep le . nites .

darling gerl ` i miss those days . but sometimes i think i don miss anymore . i dunch know . my mind is in a blank now . so confuse or blank i also dunch know . im tired and my cuts are itchy . damn itchy becos its gonna heal . damn . its very er xin now . but i enjoy it . =) . well , im going crazy . ferget about the enjoy it sentence . hmmms . nites . choco dreams .

its bleeding . bleeding .

i guess i really have a very bad attitude and character towards those peeps who were around me this pass few months or years . or am i really really that bad to be losing them . i swear , i've tried my best , to treat them the best . but why am i always getting the bad comments or so called " retribution " back ? why can't people especially my friends rmb the things i've done for them and forgive me ? why can't they tolerate ? why do they think that jus tolerating abit means alot to them . ? so how bout me ? i've already tried smiling and laughing fer this past few weeks but my thoughts wil just go wild as soon as im alone at home . i cried and suffer a kind of pain i never had befer this morning . i dunch know . but i rmb and i clearly do rmb , i can hear the breaks of my heart , the feel of it , it hurts . alot . the thoughts of those memories when i use to be young . the pamper and care and understanding my family especially my father always gives . but i just cant feel it todae . nothing . the respect of my friends to me , i cant feel it too . and it breaks . no , im not saying im alone . i jus cant understand why it hurts so much . i can't sleep if i don write these down , becos these words flow in mind . i wonder why . when my father shouted in the morning todae , bangin the doors of my room , shouting to me , i nearly broke down in front of him . thats when i can feel my heart breaks . now . im really tired . now , i realise im selfish . im tired of typing my feelings down , tired of every single thing . im selfish , becos i feel the jealosy of my friends talking to other people . im selfish . . . so selfish . the reason i hate myself is just becos i cant accept myself for being like that . i've tried being the best i can be , i've tried doing things i can't , but since people don see it , i don think i should be like that . if this is normal that we people wil always go through feelings like that , then i would rather be abnormal .....

i can't make you smile , i can't make you laugh . i can't bear to see you down . looking at ur blog , can see you'll get down fer some things but i dunch know what . i dunch know how to ask but i hope you could share . can see caiyan can make you happy and i hope he really does . so hms , caiyan , wo kao ni le . don drink or smoke too much okays . you noe its not healthy . sometimes i never reply ue , or never message ue , maybe i doing my things or maybe suddenly just wanna be alone . or anything . but you know i'll always be missing you . i need you arhs , dunch ue dare to leave a step from me okays my devil =) . take care whenever i cant be with you . take care .....

i dunch know why til today i cant give you an ans . its not becos of her , not becos of anione , just myself . i stil cant give myself a second chance to so call " start anew " ? i stil cant put a 1oo% trust on you or myself . no reason why . really really no reason . cos i dunch even know myself . i can bear to hurt ue once again and maybe even let myself get hurt by you again . i told you im selfish .. rmb about ur horoscope thing ? rmb the accomplishment you might make todae ? actually i can give you ur ans . i even called your name when i was goiing home soon , rmb ? i nodded my head and then shake and then nooded again . you dunch know what i meant and even asked . something pull me from nodding my head again and telling you what i was nodding and shaking about . it pulls me away . i stil can't give an ans . i stil can't . im stil afraid of dunno what shit what hell shit . damn shit ... i just dunch know . and i know this prob dosen't concerns anyone . give me time .. i really need loads and dozens and loads of time . i dunch know what ans wil it be , i dunch even know myself . don pin ur hopes on me to high . pin it low , very low . cos im really scared . i can do anything , anything with you , but i just cant give an ans . i really hope we can be back when we just knew each others around 2 years ago , so everything would be just so pure .. so clear .... * thinking look * . you can find someone better than me . ue can just tell me suddenly that you have found another someone ue love loads . i wun blame ue , i wun hate you . cause i know its just isn't ur fault .. don treat me too good .. i wil take advantage . and im afraid i'll just use you . i dunch know how wil i use , im just afraid . im sorry , so sorry for you to just to wait like that ..

precious . don blame me if i don message or contact ue now . because im just too use to people or friends contacting me . im use to them calling or messagin me themselves . maybe if one day , or a few days , ue peeps receive my message automaticlly . den maybe tat wil be the day when wo yi jing xiang tong le . ye shu nar tian shi wo yi jing hui hao hao de zhen xi ni men le .. i miss you too okays . i miss your tsk and many many more . ue too must take care oh . also got read ur blog , ue also seemed happy without me also mar . so must be happy okays . smiles fer ue =) . bless you bless you bless you =p . bleahs .

you wrote a very very hurting and short testi in friendster for me . ue said we wouldn't be as close as last time , ue said we wil only be friends . im sorry i cant do it . again i choose the selfish way of not even being friends . i dunch know why you dunch wan tell wen about our thing . i know you have ur reasons . i would blame ue . maybe ue think im just being unreasonable , but i've told ue , this few weeks when u're not with me , things change . even if its just awhile . i'am tired of telling you i miss you , i need you without any replies . i cant do it anymore , im off the cliff for you . you feel happy now , im glad . you miss her , i know . i'll just let you be cos i know i cant change ue . and pssss , btw , about judy ong thing . if she ever tell you . and ur blog is talking about me . pls understand first . if ue trust her and ue think she really look innocent like how she is . pls .. don trust her . im not asking ue to trust me but don misunderstand me .

im going to sleep , im working later at 12 . im tired . i know i'll die of working later . nahs , let me be , i rather die . nothing much happen todae . i went out with cyn and kel . went out to eat and walk walk . we went suntec . went to kbox . went home . meverick and patrick wanna meet me . joey and her fren also . hmms . went down meet them talk . after tat they come my house . it was already one something . and then joey and her friend came and then awhile later go again . leaving me with those idiots , watching slither again . stil find its er xin . hmmms . den papa wake up . den too bad , they gotta go . then they go at dunno what time . hmmms . all the way lying on bed , now then come write blog . so tired so tired . meverick and patrick tonning , now no where to go . kel sms til half sleep . first time he sleep first . never message devil dear dear zhu becos now message her scared message til half sleep . in the end also the same , rather wait til tmr i have the time . calling that joey no ans . say 4 something meet the end she sleep . nnot meet me lar . meet meverick and patrick . den they cannot find her come fan me . hmmms . den i pek chek shout shout shout , den they diam diam . now never fan le . tmr wonder they how . got a feeling they coming find me . hmmms . dunno ah boy de bro b'dae arhs . den ask me tmr go his house for what bbq . faints . wonder got go mar . if go what wil happen ner . i also dunno the family . faints . go there do extra . dunno is he call fer fun or real de . don care . hmms . continue tmr de work first . kaes . go sleep le . nites .

darling gerl ` i miss those days . but sometimes i think i don miss anymore . i dunch know . my mind is in a blank now . so confuse or blank i also dunch know . im tired and my cuts are itchy . damn itchy becos its gonna heal . damn . its very er xin now . but i enjoy it . =) . well , im going crazy . ferget about the enjoy it sentence . hmmms . nites . choco dreams .

horoscope . 15o7o6 .

TAURUS :

External influences are not healthy for you right now. Avoid outside pressures.Looking to magazines, television shows or even radio programs for the guidance you want right now is a waste of time. External influences aren't going to give you the insight you need -- how could they? They don't know you or what motivates you. To hear what you need to hear, you must get with the people who know you (and care about you). Ask a lot of questions and be open to the truth. Make it clear that you can handle it.

ARIES :

Believe your own eyes today when someone's behavior contradicts what they preach.Not all people fulfill their promises, and today you get a fresh perspective on someone who is veering close to being a hypocrite. This person's aims are more ambitious than their abilities. It's a harsh lesson for anyone to learn, but even more so for them. Believe what you see and form your own opinions. Your honest assessment could help them, but are you willing to chance their volatile reaction? Keep your distance from folks who aren't capable of facing facts.

CANCER :
\
If you're waiting for a major change, it won't come unless you go and seek it out.If you want something (or someone), go out and get it. Avoid playing hard to get or pretending you're not that interested -- they're just silly ploys to hide your insecurities, and you're much better than that. Your drive is in need of a loud wake-up call, that's all. Shake it up and make the changes you've been hoping someone else would make. You know what needs to be done, and you know how to do it. If you act boldly enough, this day will offer you many accomplishments.

LIBRA :

Pay close attention to the people around you, and try to respect their perspectives.All of the people in your life -- family, coworkers, friends and even casual acquaintances -- will be sharing a lot more of themselves in the near future. You've been doing a wonderful job of making it clear that you're there for them and ready to listen to whatever they have to say. Starting today, they're taking you up on that offer. Pay close attention to them and keep your promises. You need to respect their perspectives, too -- no matter how difficult that may be.

PISCES :

Old bad habits will pop back into your life -- but you're stronger than they are.Poke around some potential new hobbies or diversions today -- you're in need of a distraction to take your mind off negative influences that may be popping up in your life. These are things you thought were long gone, foes you thought you'd conquered a long time ago. Unfortunately, they'll reappear today or very soon. You're stronger than these forces, but don't let your confidence put you in situations that you can't get out of. Keep your distance to be on the safe side.

jus not in the mood . .

todae nothing really happen nors .study . go home . slept in class on the floor which tat bunch of monkeys . marcus , tiffany , ken , huihui , shao lun , meverick , dillion and more alot nawh . cos dunno got what thing lar . den must cover the whole class up . so hot lors . damn . den we like gonna die inside like tat . waiting for death . lols . after that jiu wake up den can go home le . den go plaza mam mam with tiff , jiaxin , and joey . hmmms . go eat steamboat nors . damn lar . tat meverick they all go marina south , den we don wan go . regret not going . cos todae really very sians . den after tat pei jia xin go face shop buy things den must lent her $1o . lols . so ke lian . den after tat nothing much le nors . joey pei me go home watch the slither . so er xin lar . yucks . den she go home i go sleep . like tat nors . 2 something just now jus wake up .. faints ..

i have nothing to say to you anymore . really nothing . maybe u're happy with life now . maybe u don feel anything . so get on with ur own life bahs . i told myself . let's not even be friends bah . just let ur be memories in part of our life . i dun wan even friends becos maybe it would hurt more . i know i need you but hmmms . since ue choose to continue with ur life like this now , i dun wanna care anymore . my msn nick : you seemed to be happy that i'am gone , so let us be memories and not even friends " . im sorry . really sorry . i choose the selfish way becos maybe i'll just be happier . so .. hmmms . wish ue happy happy nors .. take care . i'll always stil be there when ue need me .

nothing to write le . very bored . haiis . suddenly feel like going k box fa xie .. suddenly jus feel like breaking down so much . tired ... i never thot of losing ue befer . i never ...

darling gerl ` love's mine , but why take away ? .. hais .

jus not in the mood .

horoscope . 14o7o6 .

TAURUS :

Isolate your personal life from your professional life so you can achieve balance.If you feel like you've been working too hard just to keep things going well in both your personal and professional life, stop and consider something important: Do you need to give them equal attention in your life? You mean well with this quest for perfect balance, but it may be futile. You have to put your life in order of your priorities. Separate your personal life from your career, and spend more time with the people you love. If you create an imbalance, it's for all the right reasons.

ARIES :

You're entering a more inward time, so feel free to spend more time by yourself.Today represents a very introspective, low-key phase of your life. Right now it's wisest for you to keep things quiet and let information come to you. Don't go out and seek stimulation from new experiences or new people anytime soon. It's not a healthy idea for you to go out and socialize or engage in travel. Instead, spend your time at home. Being alone isn't a bad idea, so if social-savvy friends are pressuring you about a crazy night out, you are well within your rights to beg off.

CAPRICORN :

Things are freeing up -- a window of opportunity is opening wide, so climb on in!Today offers you a great chance to hand the reins over to someone else, which allows you to free up your time and investigate the things that truly interest you. Your schedule is much more flexible than you realize, and this flexibility might not last much longer. So act quickly to rearrange or reschedule stuff. People will be flexible, so go for broke. This window of opportunity is wide open right now; climb in before it slams shut again.

LIBRA :

Transportation issues could slow you down now, so think up a smart backup plan.The biggest conflicts you experience today are centered around getting from point A to point B. There's a lot of negative energy around transportation right now, so be prepared for delays or detours. If you're driving, give yourself some extra time to make any appointments. Being late could set you back in many important ways -- so play it safe just in case. If you're taking some sort of public transportation, the people around you could affect your energy. Keep to yourself.

SCORPIO :

Your impatience will come to your aid soon, when you take the bull by the horns.Let the fiery aspect of your personality drive you today -- it has the energy needed to push you where you need to go. It's time to grab the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. You'll quickly learn that you have much more strength and courage than you were giving yourself credit for. This revelation may come as a surprise to you, but to those around you, it's old news. Your impatience, it seems, is finally coming in handy.

slappy slappy slap slap . damn .

accept me for who i am . my message to those people who can't accept my friends and me , my message to the damn father of mine . : accept my friends , and then accept me . although im losing them , but i dunch care . don force me til no ways and i'll tell u right to your face sayin , yes , i'll show u im a PL . look down on me ? den go . i dunch need anyone to judge me or my ways . so please . im who i am . its my feelings so never control it . its my character so please . i can change my character , my whole damn attitude for the person i love . but wil she change for the sake of me ? i don think so , becos it has been weeks since everything's happening . since im writing all this on my blog , i hope you peeps wil understand what i mean =) . dunch know what is PL ? ask around .

everything . everything is just repeating from history . i dunch know why . but i cant stop it from happening . gerl , rmb we once quarrel till it was so serious tat the both of us cried nearly everyday ? maybe not you , but i did that . its happening again . again . rmb i said , i'll let u go . i'll continue my life happily without ue worrying . i'll say this again and maybe this time , it wil really happen . its really really serious now . nahs , im not playing . i can see u're happy with life now . becos u're not accepting the fact . even if u are , den good . =) . well , gerl , im really really leaving no matter how much i miss . not asking for u to pity me but hmmms . just telling ue . i wun bother ue anymore . i promise i wun . rmb ue once ask me when we was talking something serious ? ue said , " heys , you know i once thought that if i and u was together , how wil it be like . " rmb my reaction . i gave those erks face and those dots reaction . but the truth was , i once thought of that too . i gave those type of reaction becos i dunch wan eu to know me . look at my friendster . my pics . i ask , what if i tell you i love you ? haas . funny isn't it ? i know alot of people wil be surprise by what im sayin now lar . but if u people cant accept , fark off okays ? =) . maybe this is how i am . tats why whenever ue cant meet me , ue made me so fed up . well , since everything over le . ue don have to worry anymore . take care ehs . i'll always stil be there when ue need me . i promise . oh ya . i also rmb what i told zhuzhu todae after what she told me . hmmms . we have the same feelings . but the person to her was me and the person to me was ue . when i was first with ue , when i dunch hate ue anymore . the first feelings i have was only hoping to protect ue no matter what . even if i cant , i wil just do it . i know i can do anything for ue . and i told zhuzhu the four person tat i wil do anything for . " zhuzhu , ethel , ue and baby . " . i dunch know why . but i know i can . i can just do anything . nahs . people wil think its funny and alot of things nahs . like im faking and blabla . well , try me . . ya , so this is nahs . if maybe ue have anything to tell me . i know u'll jus write on blog . i'll read . take care . hmmms .

baby , wan know why i todae so serious mar ? hmms .sorry if i de zui dao ni okays ? hmmms . i know you know i no mood . but i jus telll ue i thinking something . i told ue sayin maybe only you can make me straight . but i realise ue made me worst if ue cant make me straight . hmms . i dunch know when ue serious or not serious . cos all ue do is lols . i dunch know how you feel for me . but i confess to ue tat the period of time , i really really did fall for ue . but ue gave me no response . and i have to start all over again . you know what happen at ur bbq , ue know me . maybe tats what made me hate ue guys so much . but ue made me change my mind . nahs , now ner ? hmmms . i hope now my feelings to ue is just my baby bahs . confuse in somethings these few days but gotta hold onto it myself with no one . so hmmms . dunch know . jus confuse . if ue got things to tell me , tell me kaes . i really want know . hmmms .

judy ong , dunch ue dare peng wei again . understand ? don help ur junior or should i say don hum in front of ur junior . what ue tell me tat dae , i rmb clearly . so why tat day wen i ask meiling and ask ue . ue diam diam ? why need ur junior wenyi help ue reply . for damn goodness sake lar . wake up . how old liao . think urself lar . ur attitude and character . think think . ue know how much i wish i can slap eu tat dae in sch . when ue damn dare in front of me peng wei ? fark . this few daes isit liu xin peng wei this kind of things arhs ? yong jie bro also . fark . den go guan yu dao wo . pls lar . don spoil my small small ke ai ke ai de ming shen can anot ? damn .

since todae in my room with zhu zhu , we say things out le . hmms . but i stil don really know how you feel . why love me instead of others ? confuse confuse confuse . ue know ? i hope ue understand okays . no matter what the ans is lar . but must understand okays ? hmmms . i cant treat ue like how she treat ue . im afraid i would hack care everything once again . sorry . haiis .

darling gerl ` maybe tat was the last close kiss i could ever give ? i wan ue to take care . don always tire urself out . jus take care . money is not important , so dunch try earning it like hell . just take car e. if i have somemore things i forget to say , maybe later i'll just update my blog again bahs . two days never go sch le . stil wondering if i tmr wil go . hmmms . i wan quit quit quit S C H O O L . lydia also quiiting le lors . no , she is quit le . damn . never even jio me pei her quit . dots. jus leave like tat . diiaos .

ta hai shi bu dong .

chalet . yes , i got drunk there again . damn , just one small cup of pure martell . dots ... whatever the hell it is . the 2nd cup made me worst . faints . it was so spicy ehs . hmmms . drank so called " many many cups " . diaos oh . hmmms . me and zhuzhu hide in the toilet to drink . lols . and they was using many ways to open the door bahs . dots . the toilet was damn dirty . very very dirty . cos we step outside and then in . so it was " erk " . i dunch really rmb what happen but i know the whole thing was quite a scene . dunno how things pop around and danbai was there too . i got slap by " him " . dots . poor me . arghs . i know everything and everyone was confuse , very confuse that day . everything turn into a mess . dots . let me tell you what i rmb . i only rmb giving kelson a surprise . and " he " was like omg .. dots . the present i gave him was made on tat day . diiaos . and my wallet is in a blank now . roar . on the bracelet , leaves four of our names , each starting from our name letter . " K . V . L . J " . i think is like tat . or " K . L . V . J " . haas . ya . somthing like tat nors . hmmms . whatever happens tat day , those people there noe can le . really mess nawh . hmmms . come back tio gan like hell . im now grounded for a week ,canot go out . but i know i can , but not far away . around my house . so im meeting zhu zhu in maybe another half an hour's time . ya .. so i gtg and bath cos she's ready . hmmms .

i'll update my blog tonight . cos i know i very long never update le . maybe i'll update a long long one . ya . maybe after talking to zhu zhu later . i might understand more things and able to make my decision ? dunno . see ya =) .

darling gerl ` love's selfish . thats why , it makes me selfish too . =) . im sorry for all my mistakes . really sorry .

confusion .

ytd when to bugiis . whole dae at bugiis . we played a game , and everybody must get number from one stranger . damn . we sabo tiff by getting number from that guy and sae is she want de . [ but she's not with us lar . she behind ] . den she dunno . lols . so funny ehs . was lauging nearly the whole dae ytd .. whakakas . we was molesting each other lar . diiaos . hahas . but tat was ytd nawh .. * miss baby * .

hmmms . todae going out again oh . going to town bahs . we plan to go kbox lar . but i wonder really anot mar . hahas . if not ehs . hmmms . so siians . no where to go le . town is bored . bugis is bored . every part of singapore is bored lar . hmmms . wonder what todae wil be . . .

roar .. ue know what . i keep dozing off very early this few nights . without knowing , i'll just sleep lar .. dots . and then i wil dream dream dream . whakakas . cant stay awake oh . siians . todae sunday le . tmr must go sch . bored bored .

darling gerl ` i keep my feelings so as not to affect the ones around me . i keep my emotions becos i know if i don't , everything would turn into a mess . i keep every ans tat people question me becos i really don't wanna reply anything ..

two in one . lols .

precious , meet who ? what him ? other than ytd i meet baby , others all my class frens . i was also waiting for ue to contact me about fridae things . but don have , so i thot mei you le . or maybe ue dun wan me to go ? bu zhi dao . few days never meet ue le , am i losing ue like losing her too ? hmmms . dunch know nawh . dunch noe le .

zean ? ur blog ? talking bout me ? im not asking ue to guess my everything . what have i got to do to let ue guess my everything . ue don have to ... what first step . i never ask anione to get the first step . what can i do ? what first step . i dun understand . so now , u're saying im using a mask to treat ue . finally , everything's out . i dun care anymore .. if u're really talking bout me .. here's ur reply .

baobeix , how do you wan me to talk to ue ? how can i start a conversation with ue . no matter hich way i walk , u're stil cold . im stil cold . so what should i do ? i try saying ur name at the swimming pool during recess with pat . thought tat u'll give fan ying . but i get nothing in the end . i want to talk to ue , becos i miss doing so . but what kind of attitude wil ue give ? wil everything start from the beginnig once again or its going to continue to be like tat ?

i finally met dao baby le . ytd we meet ehs =) . but i dunch like to meet uee ehs . hahas . so different from msn and sms . whakakas . i rather chat with ue nia . ue everytime need to warm up first de . lols . so siians ehs . ytd ue go bbq .. fun mar ? ue sae ue never drink . whakakas . wonder really mar seh . next time we go walk walk again kaes . think of where to go first den meet . hahas . if not like ytd , we two stand there blur blur de . if ue heard anything about what judy they all say ytd , act blur not knowing anything okays . don care them . they just wanan take revenge !! hahas . okays . later den message ue . now i going bath le . going out with tiff they all , go gai gai . whakakas . bye . =) . i miss you =) .


darling gerl ` im just at the edge of the cliff , wondering what ans to give and what to do .. everyone's getting down .. how can i help ??

why am i loving you ?

currently at a so call lan shop now . hahas . this damn lan shop is for gambling lar . lols . and im here with my cousin and auntie . they gamble , i surf the net . i got no money to gamble lar , and its real de nawh . hahas . okays . todae's quite a dots day nawh . so im tired . hahas . ytd same arhs , talk on fone and then rmb tat i got hw haven do . so put now , after doing two exercise , i wanted to take a rest but i slept lar . hmmms . but nvm ehs , woke up in the morning and went to school nors . hmmms . thought todae wil got chance kan dao baby .. but in the end also don have . he bluff me again ehs . never come . hmmms . roar . so pek chek . den ytd he sae if he never come wil come outside sch wait for me pei me go home . the end also don have . until around two something den he wake up . haiis . hahas . den during school time scolded ian lar . damn . todae's mood is so not good nawh , hmmms . and he can play beside me and knock my head down . so pain lar , my fan ying also abit chi dun lar . awhile den give fan ying . den scold n scold and scold nors . den he sae sorry and act blur jiu continue with his things . damn fed up . after school nearly gotta stay back nawh . whole day i was sleeping in class lors . dun wan sleep also cannot . hahas . den after tat after school le jiu get out of class . becos so long never one bunch of friends go out le . so todae actually is meverick , patrick , wei sheng , shao lun , judy , joey , tiffany , hui hui and me go out de . the end only left me judy , joey , tiffany and hui hui lar . hahas . so ke lian ehs . den got no where to go so come my house nors . den we decide to go to the coffee shop eat . hmms . suey suey saw that celest lar and dunno who lar . pei xiu i think . damn lar . trying to act blur not to see them but realise they keep looking and diaoing . so fed up . but told myself to =) . childish kids then play this games . hahas . den purposely tell judy sae , teacher say at this kind of crisis , don care and walk away . they are childish people . lols . den tat celest and dunno who jiu purposely sit beside us lar . and keep turning back dunno mur mur what . lols . i also don care . den tat gerl keep lookin n lookin . maybe she thinks im too cute ? hahas . she look so auntie .. whakakas . den after tat we don care them nors . den we play play play den run away becos the thing so er xin liao . hahas . not run becos scared them ehs . hahas . den went home nors . actually decide to drink de but the end don have , we end up buyin two bottles of sweet ehs . den went home nors . den so cute ehs , we on tat m18 ghost show . cos i see alot times le mar , so see dao sleep . lalalas . den left tiff watch . after awhile jiu wake up le . den after tat actually got meet baby eat dinner de , the end also don have . i todae tio pian by him 3 times le . haiis . den after tat my cousin call me mar . sae go eat sakae sushi . she pay mar . so i eat lors . hahas . since not meeting baby le . hahas . shh . she now behind me scolding me idiot . bad ehs . slap her =) . omg . she slap me . and my ear piece drop . poor me . being tortured . shhh . after tat ner . wan meet baby for fun . the end also don have lar . roar . buuu lar . i dunch lyk . hmmms . hahas . den finish le go walk walk awhile nors jiu come this so called lan shop le . so bored ehs . later dunno wanna go home do what also . sleep bahs ? don feel like going sch tmr ehs . cos until 12.3o nia . hmmms . i wanna be a zi bi ! can i ? soon lar . den just now walk walk tat time . baby tell me maybe tmr never come , maybe wanna quit again . i also siians 1/2 . hais . don sae le. from the time he sae he wanna quit , i never smiled til now . well ..... hmmms . tats all for todae ehs . i just now go read my horoscope . so dots nawh . hmmms . later put it up . whakakas .

i dunch know why even todae , i cant open my mouth to talk to ue . hmmms . even if we are all in the toilet , i just cant talk to ue . maybe i thinks it is funny ? suddenly talk to you . the * quarrel * between us seems like the whole world knows . everyone asking . well , what can i say ? i dunch know anymore . silently waiting .....

never meet precious two days le . also no contact . wonder what happen ehs . hmmms . i go home use msn jiu talk to her le . miss you =( . tmr ue sae go out ehs . so how ner ? hmmms .

well , thats all bahs . if later got anything . i go home then write again bahs . =) . take kare peeps . * im shivering . its cold inside here * . im sick . damn sick .

darling gerl * don quit . wil ue ? * i wan open chalet !!!! *