Got woke up by a call , two missed calls from denny [ ah wen ] . Was thinking if i should call back , in the end , i called . Because he wouldn't miss call me for unvalid reasons unless he's really bored . Worst , it is like 3 plus in the night now . Got the shock of my life , i shouldn't have call back . But at least i guess i know whats gonna happen on sat or fri . I should have kept my mouth shut , i shouldn't have said anything to denny @ sis's house . & now , i'm causing 2 troubles for myself when i thought i wouldn't . Probably you guys would wanna know about ah xing getting beaten up @ town last sat . But i wouldn't wanna talk much about it . Deekie brought the whole prob up about xing asking me to be with him . He isn't happy with it . But i don't feel its because of me , the whole thing just happened because now , there's a reason for you & your brothers to bash him up . It was a long ago things you guys wanna do , just that there weren't any reasons for you guys to do so . I became the reason now . & these makes you guys feel better , but what about me ? Both sides are my love ones , what can i do ? I wasn't @ town last week , both days i wasn't there . Should i say that i'm lucky because i didn't went down and these happen ? Some said if i had went down , maybe i could have stop these things from happening . Some said i shouldn't blame myself because i'm just a victim of the whole thing . I felt so guilty when deekie told me . But there was nothing else i could do . It happened still . Xing , i can help you once , but not twice . I once talked about you to Ken [ woodland ] , promised not to beat you , not even his brothers . But i didn't know by doing that , i'm causing more probs in the end . Now this bunch , i can do nothing to stop it . People go around telling each other " eh , don't tell vionna anything ok " . I know you guys care about my feelings , but have you guys ever wondered , what if i'm going down this week , and those looks on their face looking @ me , won't i feel worst ? Even if you sweeties don't tell me , someone who started the whole thing would .
I was the one who called Chris & asked him about the whole thing , i was the one who nudge Chris in msn , to force him to tell me . I was the one who asked hongling to tell me everything . Different stories i've heard , who should i believe ? & now i'm putting my love one into trouble . I know he shouldn't call you a pu bor , but it was all because that he was too angry . If it was you , you would also be very fcuked up that your own brother is beaten up right in front of you . Ain't i right ? Should i clarify anything of this ? & what ? When i go down this sat / fri , i gonna see another loveone of mine getting bash up ? Just because of me again like what you people said ? And what , i couldn't do anything what . You guys just wouldn't listen to another thing i say . Denny's like entertaining me , " kk , we won't find him de , kk . " What is this ? Entertaining me or trying to make me feel better ? Those people were the one who were there for me when i was @ my lowest point of life . They were the ones who brought those colours back to my life , silly . & now , just because of what i've told denny , gonna put him into trouble . How am i ever gonna face them again . I'm sick of going down town & always seeing my own friends get beaten up or whatever . To prevent myself from not knowing all this , i took this chance & i didn't went down last week . But what i get ? Worst things happening . You told me to keep my mouth shut and not tell about him . Now my heart aches like something being pierced through , while i can only see all these things happening when i can do nothing @ all . You're always like that , violent , bad tempered , bad attitude & character . I can't change you , neither can i stop you from doing all these . While your so called brothers can , but they wouldn't . They support you , not thinking whether they are my friends or not . Since things gonna end up like that , then i shall keep my mouth shut then . I really don't know what to do anymore , i keep my hands off everything from you . From the day i knew who you were , till the day we talked and looked into each other's eyes , it was all early planned nicely by fate . I shouldn't have looked back into your eyes , i shouldn't have .....
Maybe its time again for some heart to heart talk for the both of us . No , its not that we call & ask where you've been and then nothing else . When you're gone away from us , ask urself . Even if you don't want to call ur mum to tell you where you are , at least give us a call to tell us who or where u gonna be . Its not that we wanna care too much about your stuffs , its that we're too use to you being with us . & even your mum thinks so . So whenever your mum gives us a call to ask where you are , we'll be worrying & wondering if you're with your boy . Yes , although we totally disagree about you being with him , but there's nothing we could do , ain't i right ? You guys are in love & we wouldn't want to break you guys up just because we dislike him . But girl , so what with the difference of you're single and not now ? Have you ever think back when the times me / sis were attach , did we leave any of us like how you're leaving us ? We rather spent time together , even if we promised to go out with someone , we would still rather go out together . Ain't i right ? I know you gonna say that we couldn't contine like this being together , you still need time with your bf alone . So since its like that , i hope whoever you're with , tell us . I mean at least tell us who you will be with & whether you're going home anot if you're not with us . If not when you mum or sis calls , we're speechless . Can't even bluff your mum because we ourselves don't know where you are . & if you're staying over @ his house , tell us first , don't say u don't know or no , because you always make your decision suddenly . So if one day you tell us you're not staying @ his house , then suddenly you gone missing the whole night , the ones worrying will be us again . & for bla bla , pls ask your boy to answer his damn phone when we're calling him or reply our message if we messaged him . & not after you go or what then come telling me that " oh , sorry , she go already " . No silly , we don't have to quarrel about such stuffs . We just want you to know that how fcuked up we can get when we can't find you or when you promise us to come & not in the end . Its like when me & sis quarrel , you was also very uneasy that she wasn't here with us rmb . & in the end , i had to put down my pride to message her . But luckily , we're so much better than the previous time now . So its the same for us , worst thing is that you're now spending time with your boy instead of any of us quarreling with you . Nvm about all these . Put them behind us then . Just rmb everything i told you , be very careful . Not that he's a bad guy , but you know what i'm trying to tell you . You know yourself baby . Don't take this relationship too seriously because if you're the one ending up getting hurt , probably me and sis would be the one not letting him off . We can't do much , just that you know what we can do for our limit alrights baby . I can see anyone get hurt and my heart can break tons and dozens of time , but not you . Because you know how important this friendship means to me & if anyone does hurt you or break this friendship , you know the consequences those people gonna get . Rmb about the me , you , lao de and my baby outing tmr . Don't forget . This is very important because laode don't have the time for us always . Ok ? =) .
Time flies and when it does , people around me do change alot . I was sitting in a corner alone , thinking about some stuffs again when suddenly i rmb the first time i met my brother . The way we talked & play , i didn't know why i didn't have any strange feelings like i have for others . I remembered we got along well , thats why we're still so close now . Although he changed alot , his attitude towards me , but i can still feel how much he still does dotes on me AND OF CAS LOVE ME :D . Then after him , i remembered the first time i saw lao de . He looks so unfriendly at first , but then he turn out to be a good person i never thought . He's even bringing me & my girl out tmr :D . The time between us isn't as much as you people get together , but the more we don't see each other , the bond between us gets stronger as days passes . I remembered the first day we met , he brought us to BILLY BONKERS for drinks , and he ordered a vanilla and chocolate milkshake for each of us . Isn't that so sweet ? =) . Then he act like a hero telling james that he shall pay for the bill , and when the bill came , the price was like , WHAO . So whole face change . Lols . Cute isn't it . You readers have no choice but to says he's cute because he's my lao de ! Then after him , its yong jie . This silly guy here knows me more than anyone else . The memories we had together is more than i had any memories with others . When i don't get to sleep late in the night , he knows why . When i don't go to school or get out of my house , i swear he's the only one who knows the reasons behind it . Then now for syl and peter those bunch of guys , these ex outramians , the ones who loves me the most . The ones who always brings me out when they realises its been decades since we met . THEN ETHEL , MY SECOND ONE IN MIND ! i don't dare to write her chinese name here , probably she's gonna appear at my house tmr after she reads my post and then chop me into pieces . lols . She just brought me out the few days before syl did . :D . Well , there's many many others who left wonderful memories with me & i hope i did for them too . These people will be the ones who'll be leaving part of my teenenge memories nice and wonderful . Although some left and new ones came , but isn't this part of life ? :) . Treasure the ones with you now , cherish them with tons of love , because these people will be the ones who will be a part of memories . I'm sure you wouldn't want to think back when you're old enough and have nightmares of them right . Hahahas !
Well , what a long post this is . All denny's fault . Woke me up from my beauty sleep when i was sleeping soundly like a pig . & now he's off to sleep himself , calling me a school girl . Damn it . Anw , durhs , i don't even know if i'm going school later . Because i didn't went ytd . =x . No blaming , because school is really boring & i really get tired when i see books . I need to sleep rather than study ! Blahs . Anw , i'm suddenly kinda of interested in designing my own shirt and bla bla bla . Do you guys know anywhere i can ask the person to print out my own designed clothes and their material for clothings are good in the another way too ? I need a supplier ! Lols , am i right . I guess so ~ Hahahahas ! Tell me soon alrights ! :D . Alrights , i'm gonna accept ahmani's friend request in friendster then going off to rest again . I have tons of testi yet to be replied , i guess i have 6o or 7o over of it & im so lazy to reply . 1o or 2o over friend requests yet to be accepted by me & i'm so sorry guys ! I'm just so not into using friendster anymore , so wait patiently then :D .
I miss you lying by me . Cuddling me to sleep . I love you sticking close to me .
I dislike you for leaving me alone . I hate you for your selfish-ness .
I want you , I do need you for life .
I'll be here , lying to the others i don't need you .
I'll be here , lying everything about you .
I can hardly breathe without you .
But i'll always be here lying about the person i love ,
till the day things been settled and you're back .
By then , i will stop lying to everyone , including myself .
I hope the things i say now , means everything to you .
Baby , you know who you are , and i'll be waiting for the day ,
things are done so that you can be back by me .
I will be the one who gonna hold you tight & give you every bit of my love .
Till then , i'll never let you go .
I know , i know the day's gonna come soon =) .
I'm sorry but please wait , wait patiently for me baby .
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