saturday :
well , let's not talk about sat , shall we ? not a very happy day indeed . hmmms . other than normal mood coming its way , everything remains the same ? i'll just round everything up and say okays ? hmmms .
i read your blog about ur schedule for this week at work , so i decided to visit ue , or maybe to purposely go there to bring whatever belongs to us back . [ i was suppose to go and ask ue to go out , if u say a no , i'll just go somewhere on my own ] .. hmmms . that was my plan . i went there , you were not at work . i thot ue might be inside or something but when i ask the other crew members of urs , i was told that u're working at 4 till 11 . whao . i didn't know what to do at the beginning , i was in a total SHOCK ! damn . i dunno why . i called over 1o people , only 2 answered but they were busy or other things . so i was wondering " what the hell is with me ? i have 2oo over contacts in my phone , none can help ! " . perfect ? =) . nvm . i've no comment already . friends ? HAHA .. so i force myself or maybe zi yuan de wait til 4 . i don see a single soul =D . nvm . i wanted to wait on my own anyway . manage to wait for my dad's arrival , went to town to meet hazel and her friend . hmms . met her at the food court and we ate . they went to take neoprints . walk around and then to heeren . meet up zhuzhu . how i know that that idert was there . nvm , anyway , i don care . i got my baobao from zhuzhu =) . nice . and then hazel went shopping and borrowed $15 from me ! well , nvm . im broke anyway . another $15 to her wun die . and then they came so since i dunno what , but we walk our own and zhuzhu cum that idert walk the other way . =) . went down and hazel fren gotta go somewhere ~~ so left me and hazel . and we was waiting for thomas and adam . faints . saw hazel enemy and we was trying hide away from that damn person . hmms . finally , thomas and adam came . then we walk to paragon to eat . they eat , not us . we went toilet to zilian , and they eat . funny ehs ? after that we walk all the way to far east . omg , i nearly die . was smoking so much all the way when i walked there . I DUNCH KNOW WHY , DON ASK ! ya , that's right . went walk walk , and jo came . chao ah lian ~~ faints . den after talking talking , adrain came . all of us met up at the taxi stand and then took a taxi to esplanade for the fire works . well , they left me and adrain to take the taxi and they four took one . damn ~ . nvm . im kind enuf . anyway , it was a total of $15 when we reached there . the damn jam around the road is so long . and we got to rush down in the middle of the road ! saw a few act lians de , diao me . so as a guai kia =D , i just looked and walked past them and say , fark ue . and then i walked away =) . perfect . ! nice me ! anyway , they did nothing and diam diam . lalas . we lost hazel they all . and the whole thing , left me and adrain watchin . fone cant get through . after everything , also cant . arghs ! i don wanna say about the rest of it . makes my blood boil . damn . end of that day . shit . ....
sunday , todae :
woke up around 12 something . called yong jie about 1 something . he was already at queensway buying clothes . always like that , im use to it . so i prepared myself and then i ferget what time i meet him . the same , i smoke and smoke and smoke . one fine day , im sure im going to die of something . thats all . end of my life . hmms . he came down stairs my house to meet me , went to the coffee shop to eat . forced him to drink coke . muahahas . and i drink green tea . aren't i evil ? cute lar . lalas . den we took a damn farking bus all the way to tampiness !! so long ~ stop half way to go toilet ~ faints . all becos of him lar . arghs ! anyway , nvm nvm . im kind - hearted . then walk around , called beibei darling if she's at there . but TOO BAD , she never ans . =) . went to the opposite building for movie , but all fully booked . damn . checked the GPRS and we manage to found one at great world at nine . hmmms . called dad if i can watch , after some damn arguing , arghs ! it was a yes .. phew . so took a cab all the way to great world . watch the show " CLICK " . damn , stop it . for every show i've watch this few weeks , i've been crying !!!! its not becos of emotional shit , its becos of the SHOW . ewww . stupid . den it was 11 when it finish , i thought he was going to FETCH me ! in the end , he's at home ! fark . told him since its like that , im going to take a bus home becos i have not a single cent . and it wwas only 11 . and he said why should i take bus . being that unreasonable him again , HE DAMN SAID THAT IF I TAKE A BUS , I WIL REACH HOME AT 1 !!!!!!! farking damn irratated me , decided not to quarrel . he asked me to take a taxi home , so i took a mercede cab [ is this how i spell the word ?! ] .. let yong jie down first and then my turn . the cab fare was $5.2o . dad pay for it . he came down . trying to stand behind me to see if i have anymore tattoo behind becos i dunno how the damn shit hell he knew about my tribal ~ hmmms . stupid him and clever me . i walked with my back covered ! i've been talking to him coldly since sat night ! arghs ~~ !!! stop everything about sat night . fed up , pek chek , vomit blood . okays . thats it . thats for todae . END ; ...
wanna know why i walked away from you , well , asked your heart . maybe it wil give you the ans why to all your questions for me . hmmms . i think you know what i mean when the attitude i gave you that day . anyway , i don't like people backstabbing me =) . you should know it since the day i told you so many things and DECIDED to trust you back . [ PSS , PEEPS , I MAKE A DAMN WRONG CHOICE SO DON'T FOLLOW ME PLS ] . well , no more .. no more .. im not gonna trust you ever again my dear gerl =D . nahs , im not sad that i've lose ue . at least im clear of whether to trust ue or not after all these YEARS .. funny ehs ? i know none of you can guess its who , if can , the ans wun be clear . hahas . confused ? bleahs . i purpposely de . muahahas . continue with my niaming . thanks for all ur FAKE caring and everything ehs . ewwww . the sight of seeing ue makes me puke .. i dunch know why you know ? rmb to change into a better person okays ? stop being like that . THANKS for those talking and alot lar . okays ? well , i think u're glad that i've become wiser in some ways . i know you will . so i bless you , and you shall take care . =D . don find me only when u lose them okays ? i wun give a damn anymore about ue , don come all the way okays ? i don wan ur explanations anymore .. don make me confuse again .. =) . maybe like me and her , time wil heal everything , i realise . but for you , pls do ur best to gain back my trust if you ever want me back . thanks for going btw , see you soon .
dad , indeed we have a generation gap . for that quarrel we have that day , i appreciate everything . im glad i shout out saying i dun understand u and im MORE EVEN glad that ue told me back that ue should be the one not understanding me . i nearly told eu that the genaration gap and everything , but i didn't . ue made me wanna leave home that day and i know if i did , you wun see me todae . i even dreamt of leaving this whole damn wide world , but i'll always think of you first . till todae , we stil cant have serious talks .. i dunch know why . u'll always feel awkard . aren't i right ? how i wish u was the one reading my blog every now and then . how i wish ue waas like other parents , so open and understanding . how i wish ue was what i wish ... i wonder why things will end up like that . when i had a terrible cry in the car during sat night , you thought i was crying only becos that im quarreling with ue , isn't it ? no .. i was just cryin everything out . i couldn't take it anymore , pretending like im strong , so strong in front of you . when i came back and cried again , i realise the divorce between u and her had been a great blow to me . i never knew it til sat night when i sat down crying , thinking . when i knew this was life , i asked myself , where are those friends who said that they wil be here .. i rmbed the two of you quarreling downstairs when we had the two story house . i was there crying when JIE brought me upstairs .. i rmbed every single thing .. the quarreling . the fighting . the beating . everything . i pity myself for that night , and i cant imagine myself curling up like a little baby on my bed , trying to get to a deep sleep . i rmb when i see other family holding hands , taking photos together , walking around happily , we was the only family which had a distance that i can feel no matter how young i am , no matter how close we hold our hand together . the smile and laughter ue gave to me was all fake , and i knew it right from the start . i'am proud of myself , to be so strong til today , becos for this kind of family background , i could have been a very very bad gerl .. at least , im still able to control .. but dad , i really want you to know this , if one day , i become someone unlike the daughter ue have now , i really hope you'll understand , because that is the day , when everything comes to an end , and its the day i cant control my character anymore . one working like shit , like hell . and the other just sitting there , gambling , waiting for money to come in , celebrating her own life . what kind of life is this ? till todae , when i see those families outside , and when i hear my friends say they're going out with their family , i can't explain those kind of feelings , how i felt .. how much i xian mu them .. i can't stand but only wishing them happiness =) . i feel like an angel with no wings , no freedom always when i wish someone best . i feel like someone so different when i give the best to someone , and when im comforting someone .. can i go ? sometimes i asked myself ..... can i go ..
darling gerl ` u're the reason i live on , u're the reason i smile , now that u're gone . everything's over . i told myself not to be pathetic anymore . its so useless becos no one cares at all ! the fact is , i really do wan keep things to myself and probably just settle them when time comes and tell me its time to heal . becos , telling others , seems to be so useless .. no one can do anything . at the very end , the decision and every move i make , its stil my choice . so , hmmms . no comment . nothing . =) . let me be .. let me be that foolish one again , the idiot who is starting to believe people again but her , herself , getting fooled out of nothing .
No comments:
Post a Comment