everybody's got something , we have to leave behind . there's no use looking back . nothing can be mend or meddle with anymore *

speechless . speechless from what you write . speechless after what i saw . so its my turn to explain now then . yes , my fault , yes , my AP is coming back . i didn't blame u for anything , always . and i know when i have my AP , and i always blame myself for putting all out on u . yes , thanks for understanding me . thanks for always keeping quiet and tolerating me . at times , when i find u don understand , when i find that somethings wrong and get fuck up , i had that hatred there for u . its my character , i swear . u might be thinking why i always blame u ? but do you know what i was thinking ? yes , pek chek at put the fone down . yes , pek chek and show u attitude . but after that , i blame myself for being like that . no i didn't tell you that i don't blame u . cas i count on you too much , so i always don wanna after talking and then say sorry and then say those sweet things or something that i don blame u . maybe my thinking was so wrong that made us like this .

i knew it girl . i knew it . i knew all the way there were peeps behind talking about me . cas they do it to tracy and other peeps too . they said im a chaoahlian . a bitch , not for u to be with . i kept quiet , i had nothing to say . i knew all along girl . what coward ?? they dunch know anything , what are they trying to do now ? [ TO ALL FARKING PEOPLE OUT THERE , ONE MORE WORD FROM U TO MY FRIENDS AROUND ME , I KILL . SHUT UR OWN MOUTHS UP AND CONTINUE WITH UR BUSINESS , NOT MINE , OR OURS . DAMN IT AND SHUDUP . I'LL FARK U . I TOLERATE U GUYS SAYING ME , I TOLERATE . DON MAKE ME FLARE UP . SO U GUYS BETTER SHUDUP AND FARK OFF . NBCB . ] . especially alan peh . dun think i dunch know what u are up to . don worry , to me , u're stil a little ant i look down on .

continue with u and me . no , i didn't ask u to shoulder all faults . thats ur thinking . chiwen yeahs ? back to her again ? alrights , i know , u didn't quarrel with her more than two times . she's the best alrights ? she understands u more than I DO [ if u dare to say this ] . girl , each person has his or her own character , she's willing to say sorry . she's willing to apologise . but my thinking isn't the same , like what i told aloy and he understands . i said , do u know why i don't say sorry . becas since u say , or maybe since u have talk to me , again if i say sorry , it wil embarress [ or however it spell ] the both of us once again . difficult to meet , difficult to talk again . i can u know ? i can always apologise again after everything . its becas i think of the hou guo ! . maybe u don't . like what aloy said , we belong to two kinds of world . but too bad we understand each other , so we're trying to build a new world up .

i know , they said i treated u like a toy . if i need u , i wil keep u by side . if i dun need u , i would just fark u off rights ? HAVE I EVER ? and to the farking people again [ FARK OFF IF U DUNCH KNOW ME WELL . FARK OFF MAN . DON ACT LIKE U UNDERSTAND ME . IF I WOULD REALLY TAKE HER AS A TOY , I WOULD HAVE FARK HER OFF EARLY ON WHEN I BROKE OFF WITH ADRIAN CHOO . I WOULD HAVE FARK HER OFF WHEN WE QUARRELED . ] . maybe u think i took u as a toy to accompany me . but hey u , if i really didn't need u , if i really took u as a toy , i would really had fark u off early . i would really have stop talking to u , and just end this friendship of ours . u think only there's people telling u not to be with me ? u know there's more people telling me not to be with u ?! more than those farking hell people telling u okays , MORE , ALOT MORE . they told me u weren't suitable as a best fren for me . as a tiong xim sister . they told me to be farking careful of u becas u might fark off and backstab me anytime . they told me to backstab u first before u do . they told me u weren't the girl i see . they told me things like u sux , u are just trying to get close to me . u see girl ? u see that ? this is what i get ? but do u know what i always said ? like u i told them , no , she isn't like that . maybe they didn't know u well too . so i let it be , kept quiet , kept to myself , hidden in my poor brain keeping things . same too , i didn't want to make u sad .

i admit i did change after u left . change to become someone u hope to be with . but im changin back . u wanna know why ? i cant control either . i myself hope to be like the time u left me . to be so good , so caring , so understanding , tolerating , controlling my character . but im changin back . but i cant , i tried . and u don't see it becas the side of me to u was a farking AP girl . u wanna talk about relationships hmmms ? stanley .. alrights . u knew that i took stanley for adrian . a better one . u knew i was with stanley becas i took him as adrian , becas u told me to aim for him . when the time u told me to break off with stanley , i was farking hell shock and how i wish i could just ask u what u were thinking . girl , KC wun be urs anymore . wun , there's things he told me to told u . but i cant , i told him . and since we've already quarreled till this stand , i have to tell u . pls lower ur taste and accept other guys , let KC off . he just told me todae to tell u to give up . don go crazy or bad mood becas of him . becas he just cared for u as a FREN . i tried asking if u two were stil possible , he said , for now , its a NO . for u i cried , for u i beg him once . trust me , u only been through 4 blurred relationships . only know now u love KC after u let him go . but ask urself darling , how many times had vionnaCHAN met guys ? how many times i had gone through high and low times becas of relationships . i told u , i've earlied told u , try guys around u . they always ask u but u said no . if i tell u that guy can be tried , go for it . u always don listen , and then let go of a good guy . u always think of looks and everything . but let me tell u , i was once like this . standards high , character and everything . but i realise , this is youth , try everyone around u even if u gonna have a farking reputation . becas only those around u knows why u are like this .

for just now why u kup the fone , i know the reason why . but i kept quiet . no , i was in a very good mood too . but when i talked serious about that girl , u stil continue to then , and then , and then ? i flared up again . thats why i ONLY said , arh , nvm , don wanna say le . and then u kup the fone after mins . yes , my fault for saying those ARH , don wanna say le . i apologise . alrights ? saying till the fone calling thing . u think i don wanna call u de ma ? everytime call , u got ans ma ? u got response ma ? everytime call u , suey suey who ans ? ur bro . or sometimes , never even ans . thats why i told myself , come'on man . get use to it that u calling me . better , i don have to go crazy for unvalid reasons . always trying to find u out suddenly or something , call u no ans . i go crazy again . becas girl , when u want to AVOID me , any calls u also wun ans . like how u avoid ur manager and whoever . pics now , wanjing use to upload it up to rights ? why not u say her ? why not u tell her how much u hate it ? okays , so from now onwards , no more ugly pics . no more NOTHING . now my turn . GIRL , i can see it through . whenever there's wanjing , no matter u are in a good mood or what , u smile to her . i wil never never never ever forget how u use to hurt me by only looking at her , ur mood gets well , turn to me , everything goes to drain . i wil never forget how much i wanted to let u go when i see u were in good terms with her so much .

xi huan what ? bu xi huan what ? yes , i know . you don't like some of my friends . especially jeslyn rights ? especially that dae rights ? but let me tell u , what i was thinking that dae , i had no chance to explain . becas back from sentosa , everything was over too . i don wanna bring it up again . all i was thinking and hoping was to bring u around to get to know more of my friends , they weren't as bad as u think . i wanted to bring u to know them becas i don't wanna leave u alone . becas i don wanna GO OUT WITH THEM AND LEAVE U ALONE AND THEN BEING SAID THAT I TREATED U AS A TOY AGAIN . i had problems too u know ? i had problems that dae too . my mood was already spoilt my patrick that dae for saying what i too fat , stil eat . but i swollow it down too . u think jeslyn never tell me things about u ma ? she's also one of them who told me to let u go . she rather me be with her than u . cas she can see that u had never been through much , stil dunno how to think far , she rather me be with her . but i told her , no , i've been with u for nearly two years . and frens have ups and downs too , i sure i and u can be frens , sisters , forever . this was what i said to her . she LL , also diam diam .

my last words to you . girl , i try to look on the bright side too . but u dunch know . i tried to say sorry too , but things pulled me away . i hope things could get back to the times too , but something is in between us . those gossips and everything . but trust me , there's still loads of people in my 1ooo friendlist who admire us , who love us . and how they wish to be like us too . yes , the time u left , it was a total nightmare for me . mistakes i did . things went wrong . all coming back now . but i just hope u would just be abit more violent to pls fark off those people who tells u im taking u as whatever . fark them off or ask them to come right to me . i had never treated u as a DOG , what cowardly , let me in , no . no . no . yes , besties ain't like that . but i take this as ups and downs . like wat winnie told me that dae privately on the chalet for kevin's chalet , she said , huiyi's like u . and im like her . always letting winnie in . but she didn't take huiyi as anything , always a best girl who understands her . always her best fren who tolerates her . and i agree with her , totally . yes , it was terrible when u left that period of time , but i pulled myself back from a total hell . i knew u would say about later , not going . i've already prepared myself for that . let it be then . again , i apologise for everything . and don assume things u dunno , u wun know how much i've always blame myself . u wun know if i've been still taking my medicines . not asking for u to take pity on me , i just wan u to stop assuming things .

[ AGAIN TO THOSE KPO PEEPS . SHUT UR FARKING MOUTHS UP . ESPECIALLY ALAN PEH OR WHOEVER . IM WARNING U HERE . IF U GUYS DON READ MY BLOG , THEN TOO BAD . ONE MORE TIME ON MY TAIL , AND IM OUT TO HUNT FOR PREYS . I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN , I SWEAR . I WILL JUST FARK U OFF LIKE HOW IM GONNA FARK THAT BITCH OFF NOW . FARKING HELL PLS SHUDUP . THANK U TO U IF U HAVE STOP UR NONSENSE . BUT FARK U IF U'RE STIL TRYING TO PHYSCO HER TO LEAVE . THIS IS OUR PROB , NONE OF URS SO FARK OFF . UNDERSTAND ? IF U'RE NOT HAPPY IN WHAT I WRITE HERE , COME RIGHT TO MY FACE TO TELL ME . BUT IM TELLING U HERE , ITS REALLY NOT UR BUSINESS . REALLY . ]

was talking to aloy on the fone just now after he went offline . was talking about adrian , about thomas , about girls in friendster , about his girl , his brothers , his frens , about u , about our own probs . then we realise we had the same background and everything . when i was with adrian he was with his girl . when we broke off , they broke off too . he's dying , im dying too . and then the same again , he was telling me to becareful of u . then we talked about his coming chalet too . it was a must for me to be there . tians . torture man ~ was told hongling , bibi , and other girls of friendster would be there . so chocolate and vanilla is a must . but most of them going on the first dae , so was somehow told to message those girls i know to go on the second dae too . and was suan by him !! not to wear any black bra to go ! becas he will pull off ! lols . fark fark fark . the chalet's at changi , so wish me goodluck man . lols . kaes kaes . this is all . ARH !! i saw baby online ! now at 1o.15 . damn him . !! must go work le stil online !! ARH . going to niam him liaos . muahahahas . bye !! =D .

darling ger ` maybe the relationship between us wasn't strong enuf . like what i've said for times , u didn't bother to ask , i didn't bother to explain either . after crying terribly for that dae , till todae , i've made that decision to let you go . to forget u . since even frens also cant , i'll let go of everything . but boy , i will always rmb u , becas it was u who brought my life back . and even more fun , more frens . it was u who started my everything again . thanks . =) . last long with her , treasure her . don treat her like how u treat me . i promise u this , i wil love my boy so much , i'll take him by side . i wun let him go , i promise . =) . take really good care of urself . eat ! rmb ! =) . loves .