urhs , whatever , my blog can't be updated again . boreds .. whatever . been drinking for an hour or two , abit kinda of ehs , blur blur arhs . so if typo , don't blame me . lols . i also don't think wills anyways . hmmms . er , went to watch GHOST RIDER todae , weets , thumbs up ! cas its a really nice show , 2 hours sitting on the chair , of cas nice lurhs . hahas . then after watch le jiu quite late le , then came back home .. hmmms . tmr will be going to jail for a visit , er , sch bring de lurhs . hmmms . i wonder how wil it be . cannot bring so many things lurhs , wad no metal , and pins all that . * yawns * dunno lurhs . hmmms . then after tat will be catchin a movie with ethel baby . urhs , some kind of cartoon . hahas . after the movie , maybe cominq bcak home ? cas its a whole day thing , im gonna be damn tired . bla bla .. =) . and damn , i suddenly rmb something . i farking regret tat i didn't turn up for my model shots . xuete ! got a call and got scolding lurhs .. but urhs , tat dae wasn't really interested anymore , but now regretting . whatever . but hmmms , gonna find work soon . out of cash . Ang bao $41o now left with $2oo . * clap hands* . gonna get my card soon , whee , then next time i can shua ka liaos . LOLS . take care peeps then . =) .

You're once everything in life , but what's you now ? I know i'am nothing without you , i know i'am nothing ... , but what could i do ? I think i've tried my best , i think i've done everything i could , but i just couldn't get you out of my damn farking head . What's hopes now ? Why am i like giving myself useless hopes ? I'am dumb , i know that . Can i just know why you are avoiding me ? Am i really such a pest in your life ? Or am i really such a bad failure who can't even keep you by side , even as a fren ? You left me with tears and memories , nothing more , nothing more honey , nothing more .... I've asked myself , why am i making myself so miserable because of you , but i just couldn't find the answer . I've been always listening to the songs you sang for times and times again , morning , noon , night , in my dad's car , at home , been leading tears . Had been cleaning those flowing tears for weeks . I rather we had not even had any memories at all ... Have i made the wrong decision ? If i've known earlier that things would turn out like tat [ i know but i didn't know so fast , durhs . no one was thinking things were gonna end this fast too ] , i wouldn't had give all my love to you . Now i can't take it back anymore , there's nothing more i could do ... Maybe i should have really walk off that day ? Maybe , maybe .....

They told me to keep your pictures and songs by side . Just imagine that you are here , always . But the bad thing was , i've threwn the pictures away , the songs weren't in my phone . How do i pretend that you are here ? But hey boy , i promise you , i'll always be here , always here ... I will smile if i see that you're truely happy , i will support wadever things you do . I will let go silently if i know she's more in love with you then i do , i will let go silently if i know you are so much happier with her , i will do anything , anything . . Please , please take good care of yourself , you fall sick easily , very easily , so please , drink more water and don't overwork too much . Don't make yourself too tired , rest more , please , promise me ...

phew , finally ~ finally i can find a way to blog my whole damn .. ARGHS .. but nahs , can blog jiu ke yi le . =) . this few weeks mei you blog dao , my hands are really itchy , bite also no use . =x . haas . well , about what happen past few weeks , i don think i can write them out becas er , it will be too much for me to do . well , only this few weeks , my class mates has always been there for me . no matter how much i ran , how much i cried and yelled , their always not showing back their temper to me =) . they've been here , and i know . =) . thanks ...

you've been gone for that few weeks , and i've not seen u for that few weeks . things been so difficult to go on , but no one realised . i'am stil trying to have you back , i don't want you to go . would that be possible then ? i really really want you , or maybe need you ? but there's something i learn when u were here and after u're gone , i've learnt that , hmms , there's no true frens in my life . i miss you ..

alrights , spoil my mood . anw , cant blog much le . gotta go . stil have to go find zai zai at pasir ris , don prepare now and im gonna be late then get scolding again . so long never see kuey bei le . wonder what he wil say to me again . scolding ma ? hmmms . well , go le go le . =) .

Fulfil my wish for me , will you ? My only wish , my hopes , are all on you . Ni zhen de she de ma ? Don't go , don't fade away from me .....

nan dao wo zhen de zhi neng mo mo de ai ni ma ? i can't be like you , you can let go easily , i'am sorry , i can't . how many times do you need me to ask you ? what can i do , to bring you back ? what can i do ? you knew the feelings weren't there for me anymore , yet you didn't say . and i foolishly fell for you instead , turning back it was me again . baby , im really really very tired .. tired of looking at my fone for your messages and calls , hoping it would be a very nice one . tired of looking at my com for you to come and talk to me , about some things tat i really wish it would happen . but i got none , none .. am i that foolish ? should i follow what they say ? love you without you knowing . secretly hiding in a corner , looking at how happy you are , wuold be enuf ? must this really be it ? why can't i keep you by side ? why can't i ? i can give up , anything , just for you . why can't you just do tat ? i don't mind , don't mind you styaing with me without your feelings there for me ? i really don't mind tolerating everything .. but why make it like you're so good ? why say u don wanna hurt me ? why didn't you let it continue ?

girl , do you want to know why i ran away so fast as soon as the lecturing finished ? its because i don't want anything to remind me of like waiting for you or asking you where shall we go next ? your life is full of them now , so let us just maybe be a hi-bye fren . im dying and fading away for the sake of him , im dying and fading away its becas there's just too much things happening , all of a sudden . if i don't let things to go slowly , i might just go berserk . and maybe again you will seeing me crying in sch , and maybe you will see me breaking down in sch again . things ain't like the past anymore ... and hmms , another thing . about the break dancing thing for chingay . its stil on and people are still needed . if you wanna go and no one accompany you , i'll be here . choy choy just told me today . rain's instructor will be cominq to our sch either this week or next week or around any time , so get it fast . if you have others to accompany you , find miss yew to ask her . =) .

valentine day's so spoiled this year without you . i dunno where should i go when tat dae ends . roam around alone or come home to stare at my com to see how couples are celebrating their day ? weeks before , i've been pinning onto this day . peeps has been telling me to enjoy myself this day and everything . i just never knew so much things could happen in just a few days .. you're gone , my day's gone too . dad knows im out of love , been letting me here and there since that day . he's been seeing me crying silently in my rooms for those nights and days . the morning dew appears and my tears would fall too . would you love me for my sake ? would you once again just ACT to let me feel you still do love me ? could you , please ?

i will never ever let you take whatever that belongs to me ever again . i would never ever take things so simple again . i will never want to trust you even more .i can't lose to you in anyway . i can't ~~~

went to my uncle's house early afternoon becas of my cousin's birthday . was really feeling very tired and couldn't even concentrate what dad was talking on the whole way . i was listening to the songs and staring out of the car window dreaming [ i think ] . as soon as we finish eating there and slacking around for awhile , dad fetched me down to fareast to meet syl and his mum . when i reached there , i was standing there like a statue . the weather was deffinetly very hot and it brought my mood even down . i was waiting for them there and i eventually finish 3 sticks of BLABLA . when they reached , we smoked again and went to walk around , his mum went to 77th street and withthin half an hour , she spent a total of $45o . then we went to shop around and buy things again . because there were alot of people at fareast today , so we were lazy to walk around more , so syl mum went home with all the things she bought for herself and syl and someone , leaving me and syl with no where to go and nothing to do . i decided to get on the taxi and think of somewhere to go then . i made a decision of going to marina square . reached there and i start to shop like a crazy bitch . it was really bored so i suggested to watch a movie or go to kbox . but syl didn't want to ! so i continue shopping . spending around 45mins in top shop and 15mins in MANGO . shhhh , syl didn't know i went to MANGO . while i was shopping , i just couldn't stop thinking of you . i was complaining and complaining to syl about wad happen and many other things . and he told me he rmb i once said " something which dosen't belong to you , no matter what , the person or thing would eventually go one day . no point keeping the person but not his heart and soul " . goshed , i've said , im always like tat , i only know how to convince and comfort others but not myself . i even forget wad i've said only until syl remind me . hmmms . in the end , due to boredness , we stil went to kbox . i sang and sang and sang , only then i realise i wasn't even interested in any high songs but i only kept pressing for those slow and love songs . i sang and sang , there were so much meaning in each of the song i sang and it hurts . after that , i went home straight away yarhs . thats all .

anw , hmmms . this to syl and ya , my didi , ethel , lao de . thanks for being there trying to make me smile and not to think so much . especially ethel , you were there even before we ended . you were here for me until now . i appreciate every sentence you tell me and i know you really hope i would understand . i do , i'am just being stubborn , not wanting to accept the fact and wad had happen . im so sorry . to syl , thanks for accompanying me today to shop around and you rotting in kbox . thanks for listening to me and telling me so much things . thanks for the time when you were trying to make me laugh and smile . thanks didi for being there the whole night , i never knew you were going to be the one there for me till ytd . the webcam u try to act serious and ke ai really did make me smile . thanks . =) .

i don't wanna be your sister nor your friend . I rather cut all my ties with you than rather being like this , it hurts me more , do u realise that ? i tried lying to myself that this break was a fake , you gonna give me such a nice surprise on valentine day . i was lying to myself , i know that . i've given up every single hope i use to have .. let me be then . im really tired , really really tired . i wake up every morning , hoping to see ur message , even this morning , but i got nothing . why ? i was waiting for your call but there were none too . i really need your hug so much so much . And i'll never want you as a brother or even a friend . . . . i really miss you so much and its really very tiring to know that i'am actually missing someone who dosen't love me at all . since ytd night , i really hope my msn chat log would blink and when i open it up , it will be you . but i disappoint myself times and times again ... wad can i do more to bring u back .. .. .. ?

why make me fall for you and then leave ?

why make me like this ?

why make me like a fool ?

why don't you love me ?

where did i went wrong ?

what did i do ?

am i really such a failure ?

can i know what do you really want ?

he said becas you were a superstar so you didn't know the meaning of the word " treasure " . he said becas you knew you had more better girls , so you left . he said i coulddn't capture your heart well . he said even if i do , it wouldn't be for long . he told me to give up , he told me there would be a better one .. but i just couldn't bare to leave you . i just couldn't bare to let you go . i just couldn't let my heart to hate you ... i cant ..

is this for real ?

a day i thought i was going to have fun and love , ended up with tears and hatred . its useless listening to your explaination and the ending is the same . tell me there's going to be a difference in the answer ? i wanted a definate ans , a clear one , and not all ur explainations and the ending is the same . the min i saw you , all i wanted to do was to hug u tightly and never let you go , but i can't . my sucky face went around with me throughout the whole way we walked . i can't smile , its not i don't want to , i just can't smile . when we sat there , u exxplained , but i just couldn't get wad u're trying to tell me , i only understand tat u wanted me to take care of myself , treasure myself . when i asked u whether to break , you didn't want to say but to continue explaining . until u say , " actually the reason for asking you out todae was to break " . * shattered .. gone ... * i walled away without any more words , you didn't bother to stand up , pull me , you didn't bother to chase me either . my mind was in a total blank , i didn't know where should i go or wad should i do . i sat at the other side , thiking u would be able to search for me , but u didn't . and then i went to sat at the stairs , listening to footsteps from behind , how i wisheed it was you , but it was a disappointment when i see the faces of the people behind me . i'am as tired as you are , why can't you give be a better ans ? i cried , for long , and i stopped . i walked back to take a taxi and went back home . i came back , changed and i thought i could jolly well spent my days like normal , using the com . something brought me to my bed , held the big pig that u gave me and i cried , i shouted , i yell , but there was still no one around for me . i teared so much and i called u , i asked why , where did i went wrong ? wad did i do wrong ? why are u so selfish to only leave me after i've fallen deeply for you ? u didn't give any reply and u just quietly held onto your phone . i yelled and screamed but there was still no response from you . i wanted your reply , a reply that would change my mood and bright my day up . i wanted you saying " no , i won't leave you anymore " . but i was just lying to myself , thats all . i put down the phone and then off it . i held the pig again , crying , shouting and everything , and then i lay back crying to sleep . i woke up with swollen and pain eyes , i was tired and weak . i ate up with several panadols , cried and went back to sleep again , how i wished i never woke up ever . i wanted to make you regret leaving me , i wanted to make u miserable , but i can't , becas ur feelings weren't there for me anymore . wad's wrong with the word " i love you " ? where's the you who use to love me as much as i think ? where am i now ? i only knew i didn't want you to go , i missed you so much ... you said your feelings weren't there anymore since u came back from indo , but u tried messaging me again , etc .. wad's the use ? why didn't you tell me earlier ? why drag til i've fallen deeply for u and then throw me aside ? why only till todae u're telling me this kind of things ? you made me a fool out of nothing , you made me a fool .. i threw the neoprints away , i burnt it . the pictures taken at my house before me leaving taiwan , i tear it and let it leave with the wind . i lost my trust in you but i never thought you lost your feelings for me . everything left so fast , even her .. everyone's leaving suddenly , wad am i suppose to do ? you said the day before ur results , you said break if u fail , but u passed , and everything end up like the same . so why give me hopes but let me down again ? wad did i really went wrong ? my love ? my care ? my character ? my attitude ? wad went wrong .. .. .. ? days are gonna be a torture without you , without ur messages in the morning , afternoon and night . u're just toturing me mentally and im going crazy . my mind is in a mess , only memories of us left , my tears just wouldn't stop . i just hope you would be back , or if not , i would want you to leave my world forever , for the sake of myself ... i miss you .. ='( .

you're not here anymore , so where's the me ? i need your hug so much , i need you even more , but it will never ever happen again . let you go , is this the only choice ? don't tell me you want to be my friend , the one who stays by my side to be with me when im down ? pls , don't talk , the more i see you , the more im dying . your existence kills me each day . pls , don tell me you wanna be my friend , and only my friend . i lost my appetite , i hadn't eat since afternoon and even the sight of food makes me puke , all i want is you , only you . can i , once more ? everyone thinks my valentine would be with you , even i thought so . you said you had planned , and wad am i getting in the end now ? is this the surprise u had planned for me ? is this wad i deserved after everything ? i just want to see you without u speaking nor me .

everyone's busy today , and im left at home , in a dark room , looking at the pig u gave me , with my tears rolling . where's the love that use to hide between us ? where's the you i use to see ? even a thousand times of saying i love you now is useless . i can't bare to blame you , i just pushed the fault to myself and the existence of hers . i just couldn't bare to hate you ...

went to sentosa early in the morning todae with juney , sun tanned for so long and then when i knew you finish ur performance , all i wanted to was to rush out to meet you . i packed so fast , without even putting on my make up and i rushed out . i thought i would meet u at bugis , so i called my dad . but then in the end u said you were cominq to vivo to pass ur fren the money u owe her . so i had to call my dad to say sorry and don't need to pick me up . then rush my way alone to meet u at vivo , thinking i would get a hug from u as soon as i see u . but i got nothing but a disappointment out of everything . i on my phone , but there's stil no messages or calls from you ? wad is this ? have i choosen the wrong decision from the beginning ? i shouldn't have trust your love or even you ...

Your relationships are not all exclusive -- you must share the people you love.Your relationships are not all exclusive -- sometimes, like it or not, you have to share the people you love. You should have plenty of confidence in how much your closest friends value you -- don't worry that anyone else can change that personal connection. If you get too possessive about your relationships, you send a message that the assurance you need is more important that the other person's independence.

my horoscope for todae anw , just read it . agree with it , and i've done it , i've share it .. slap me awake . well , =) . if its really like this , i'am jolly well speechless . =) .

gosh , thanks to wordpad and msn , i stil can save and sent to dabudian by msn . =) . hmmms . loads of meet ups and meeting nowadays , so can't pei anyone too much . due to those probs nowadays , my mind just couldn't rest . and becas of you , my attitude to my friends wasn't really good this few days . i get fcuked up easily and hmms , nothing . =) . to my friends , i'am so sorry ... i just couldn't control .well , this blog would be quite a short one becas dabudian gotta go offline at 11 plus so i have to rush this on my wordpad . pphew .
of cas you won't wan me to blame her . yes , i'am selfish , i'am everything u never thought i would be . And when the day i had faith in you , everything turn out to be a total nightmare . i knew from the beginning there would be alot of quarrels and arguements becas of her , but i didn't want to think much . i just wanted to take a step back whenever everything happens and take it as my fault . i didn't want everything to end so soon . breakups were suggested by my friends , but i just didn't want to , i didn't want to regret in the end , [ a disappointment for u huhs ? ] =) . i admit i'am jealous , i admit i'am bad , i admit im unreasonable and petty . but which girl wouldn't be like tat ? like wad i say , every moments i asked you to meet me , its not becas i don care about you , i just miss you so badly . i could go crazy , and im surprise its for you . you think i don wanna go down to meet you ? you think i don't miss you ? can u just think of the situation i am in ? does my dad allow ? you have to work , and everytime when u end your work , its already in late evening , i can't go down . whenever i finish sch , i wished to go down too , but u're working . don say i didn't bother to ask , its common sense i knew u were working . isit becas of the distance between us caused everything or her ? every single person told me the cause of wad we are becoming now is becas of her , they told me to watch out , they told me to step out of the circle first , they told me to suggested break first , they told me to bring u away from her , they told me more things to do . but i didn't want when i could , i didn't want to take away wad belongs to you . i don't want to be ur gf who controls ur everything . i was once told by my ex , saying i wasn't fit to be a gf yet . i know how it feels , i didn't want to tell u the same too . i try keeping things tat could hurt u to myself . i try to hurt myself , i try to cry it all out , but it was useless to get u away from her . test , test , everything was put to a fullstop when u replied her and not me . u think i don worry about your results ? you think i don't care ? you think im just tat tai tai who sits there for everything ? i worried , but wad could i do ? i told u not to worry about it , i told u not to think about it , but wad did u say ? u had no confidence in urself at all , i didn't know wad courage should i give u . u were the confidence and courage in me , u gave me the courage to do things i didn't dare to . the thought of you , and i could just do anything even if i were to harm myself . you think its stupid for me to cry , to hurt myself , but wad could i do to make you mine fully ? don tell me u're keeping from me something if you don even wan me to know . u make me worst , u make me know u''re keeping from me something , its common tat if i asked you to tel me . but u don't , u kept saying nothing , wad it will cause us to break . a relationship needs trust between . i tried trusting you , im sorry , i cant . i yelled at my fren , ran , hide and cried , in public , in sch , at home , but i stil kept quiet . till wad happen todae , i realise something i never use to , i've been slowly , starting to give up , unknowinllingly . and if i ever gonna die for the sake of you , i want you to see it in ur bare eyes how i gonna to . i don't need anyone's pity , i just need urs . i need ur attention and everything . i miss the day when i just knew you , i miss the day when u had just fell for me . i miss the first dae i saw you , the second and then the third day . and now , all i could do is to look at ur pictures , listen to the songs u sang to pass my time . thinking u're just right behind me sleeping like before . i didn't want to turn my head around to disappoint myself , i'll never turn around . my best wishes for you about tmr , and maybe , you and her . =) . don worry , i still love you , more than before , i'am just starting to let you go before you go in a flash of time and i can't control myself . you won't know how i wil want to end up to .
your best friend would be ur closest enemy , your best friend would be also the one who gona hurt u the most in the end , thats wad my father told me nowadays , everyday . i know wad he meant , i know he cared . so im starting to let everything beside me go , the person who is ur true one , wil stay till the end no matter wad happens . i wil start to let everything go slowly becas i don't want to end myself uup like a fool again . girl , don u realise nowadays whenever u said u have to stay back in sch or go home , i would just let u go ? do u realise the attitude u gave me and to W and T is different ? have u realise im starting to just treat u as a fren ? have u realise im only sticking to pat ? have u realise everything ? have u realise nowadays whenever i wait for u , and in the end u said u wanna stay back in sch or wad , i would just orhs and walk away , and not like the past anymore ? i don't want to hurt myself with my own hands . don worry , i won't blame u , i knew from the start they were ur DREAM FRENS . =) . to everyone around me , im starting not to dislike or hate anyone . so , ya , don be frighten if i suddenly smile to you one day . and hmmms , you're free to come and go in my world , i don care anymore , not ever . i've given up in everything that i thought it would never end . . . . .
ben lai bu jue de ni te bie teng wo , zhi dao ni bu zai teng ai wo yi hou . ben lai bu jue de ni te bie teng wo , zhi dao ni bu zai kan wo yi hou . lai bu ji le , she me ye lai bu ji le .
mei you ni de ri zi li , wo bian de hao cui rou . mei ren zi , mei ren guan , ni ye bu guan le . kuai le , bei shang bei ni zuo you .shuo yi qian bian wo ai ni ye bu guo . wo man man de zou .zai ku ye shi zhe qu ren shou .hao huai nian ni gang kai shi ai shang wo de nar yi tian .yong yuan ye bu hui , hui lai le .

wanjing :ok... take care too...
Naomii :=)
yanyu :okay i will link you as soon as possible...
jamie :yup... i miss u too... whakakas... but too bad i not in kfc liao... hehe
ke hui :yes! i remember u... haha i am doing fine, you?

to all other tags will reply as soon as my blog can be used again...
think by :vionna chan, writen by:patricia