VC

Alone,again,half dead.
Walking up the stairs alone.
Trying to figure out whats wrong.
Walking along that path,
wondering why am i still,alone.
Where are you?
Because this is the only time i couldn't control and i need you.
This is the only time,when i'm getting myself drunk,
wishing for you to be here.
How did i fall..
Why aren't you here..
because i'm no one.

time,time passes,
i realise there's so much more better girls around you.
and you seem to be considering.
i'm making myself walking further and further away.
you're pushing me away,are you?
because i don't want to know the fact..
because,
i don't want to hurt myself,again.

they scold me for being stupid,
foolish,
for this has been so long.
but i couldn't start a new story.
because i wouldn't even go think about wanting anyone to be next to me.
hugging me and telling me ily,kiss me to sleep,
and see you the next morning.

& this still stays in my mind,
why,how can you disappoint me once,over and over again.
because i'm no one.
you don't care. do you?

I've heard to much,
felt too much,
cried too much,
how did i promise myself not to do it again.

How did you make me stayed by my phone,
waiting for it to ring,over and over again.

How did you make me hit my heart over and over again.

But in the end,its myself i asked,
who am i to you.
who am i to ask you to be here for me.
who am i to deserve everything.
who am i to care.
i'm a friend,a friend who cares.
a friend you only come to,when there's nothing to do,
is that it?

I don't know.
Its me,my fault. I've been blamed for a year.
I've been screwed up nearly everyday for being an idiot.
Because they tell me,
this is impossible.
How could i prove them wrong,that its all worth it.

They want me to tell you things,
and if you make me stay,
it means that you want me.
if you ask me to go,
it means i mean nothing at all.
but dear,you know i'm afraid to know the truth.

For me to listen to you having A..B..C.. around you.
for me,i just want to take a step back.
I don't know how to make you stay.
Yes.I'm still reminiscing.
I should go,will you make me stay?
This is making me crazy.
I'm dumb.
You make me feel i'm dumb.

I told them,its pointless telling you anything.
Because it only adds on to your problems.
You've got so much stuffs to fiddle with.
Why should i.
But they say,
this is different from any other stuffs.
If i don't hurt you,
i'll continue hurting myself.
Yes,i would rather do that.
As simple as being,alone.
I miss you,
so much,everyday.
That i don't know what to do anymore.

How i wish to see you when i finish my job.
How i wish to see you if i get down of dad's car.
How i wish to open my door,and see you smiling at me.
But never,never will this happen.
Because you're happily leading your life.
Why should i stop you,
and make you think more.
I miss you.
I just can't take the other step.

I just can't help rejecting people over and over again.
This is stupid,
but i need you to keep me smiling.
But,for you to contact me,
its enough,isn't it?
Maybe. Probably.

Too much of this will make you crazy.
Too much of you will make me crazy.
This is too much for me.
I've been strong,strong for so long.

Do you know the way you held me along the way,
up the stairs,back to my room,
make a hot cup of milo for me,hug me to bed but i couldn't sleep because i don't want to waste a sec with you,
do you know,how much i wish time could stop..

I'm asking for too much,too much from you.
I told myself that was enough.
But i was wrong about myself.
Why does it hurt so much.

I can do it. This is nothing V.
This is just feelings,playing with your mind.
This is nothing V.
Because i've been keeping myself going.

Too much,too much words.
I'm tired.
I'm half dead.
I need to hug the toilet bowl to sleep,tonight,i guess.
Goodnight,
and i miss you,bi.

This post is too emotional for anyone.
This post is stupid,its dumb.
This post is making everybody crazy.
I'm super evil.
Goodnight.