i just cant say goodbye .

i don like it tonight . really don like it . FIRST , ANGRY . second now , disappointed , sad , irrated . i dunno . i don like it . just don like it . i know im in the wrong till todae . i know im in the wrong for me to stil miss you . i know im wrong . its been decades since i last wrote this kind of depress nonsense on my blog . but , its starting . my nightmares . mogan darling asked me to call him . and then after my previous blog , i called . i just put down my fone with him cas he was going to sleep . and let me say , tonight's the worst nov . he was comforting me and telling me things . but i just couldn't keep those in mind . all i knew was that im assuming things since the dae she told me about the testi . hey boy hey boy , im really going crazy . even smoking few sticks at a time dosen't cure my pain now . i dunch know why . it has never been like this before . why . the hurt's stil there . the angry-ness . whats wrong ? viewing weilun's profile was like FATED TO . something just held my hand to press WHO VIEWED ME . something just held my hand to press weilun's profile , to scroll down . AND THAT TESTI WAS WHAT I SAW . read it two times and i heard my heart broke . its been so so so long i last heard my heart broke . regret assuming things , regret not deleting that testi of his . regrets . what's the use . and the girl wasn't me in the end . those hopes i had , gone . i dunno what to do now , the feeling im having . what isit ? i cant express it out . my tears just wouldn't roll . i just cant shout . so what the fark isit that i want ?! im wrong . i know . im wrong , always . MIA i go . to stop this kind of farking nonsense . leaving in only darlings and baby's world . no more others . let me forget u then . i want , but i cant . damn it damn damn damn damn . boy , i will not ever forget , it was becas of you that my life came back . i would never forget its becas of you i smiled . becas of you i tolerate . everything came back becas of you . since the dae u left . there were times i would still see you viewing my profile . thats hope . the testi ur friends wrote to u , i thot it was hope . hopes . and the last testi i saw u wrote to ur fren , that was the time i knew i was playing on my own . darling said " let it be , tmr's a better dae " . darling said " don think so much okays , go to sleep . take a rest " . darling said " let daes past by its own , don worry " . darling said " take good care of urself " . darling told jokes to try to make me smile . change subjects to talk about , about tmr , about meeting . but i didn't even listen to a word he said . this is not the life i want back . no . no . no . im shivering , im tired i realise . was it me this few weeks who had been with u guys ? wasn't i the girl who had always been depress ? why did i suddenly smiled ? why didn't i cried terribly when he left ? why didn't i ask , why didn't i explain ? why didn't i tried to held you back ? just becas i knew it was my fault ? but was it really mine ? is this me ? or from the dae u left , i kept everything deep down to tolerate . ? why didn't i get out of my house nowadays ? dad asking me was rights . is there something wrong with me ? why hadn't i been going out ? why am i staying home ? am i like , staying at home , looking at ur testi and profile to wait for an ans ? am i really taking baby as you ? IM JUST A FARKING BITCH MAN . YES , THEY WERE RIGHT . IM CHEAP , IM BITCHY , IM A FARKING IDIOT . is this me then ? i cant think of anything now , no i cant . i look like a crazy bitch sitting in front of my computer now . tears rolling halfway down , blured . rumours ? do they even know me ? have they ever think what i wanted and what i had been through . restless . i need my penknifes and panadols again ? do i ? must i ? numb me . will someone ? boy , could you read my blog and tell me ? tell me .. everybody has something to leave behind . no use looking back or wondering , i know . shouldn't meddle with memories . i remember u singing song to me on a bridge . i rmb u hugging me tightly . i rmb me playing with u . talking to u . lying on ur bed , sleeping . sitting beside u to see u play ur game . i still cant find ways to let you go boy . i cant . i rmb everything .

syl said , be urself . he said , im living for myself , not others . currently my 4th panadol , and im stil counting . im sorry i didn't keep my promise .

arghs . im ANTI - QUEENSTOWNIANS from farking todae onwards man . !

okays . so currently im in a half pek chek mood . so my words have NO COLOUR ! . just receive a call queenstown there de charbo spreading my jiaowei . now spread till hougang de people . anw , that call from that person was from hougang . and then becas i got one baobei at queenstown . one charbo , is she call and tell him . wan know what they spread ? i know le zai say . cas currently zhiwei calling back to ask who . anw , zhiwei was the one who called me and said . [ after 1o mins ] okays , he just called me . yup , queenstownians but baobei don wanna say who . told zhiwei i will find cassilyn first cas in queenstown , i only with my age de bu hao . hmmms . especially that damn cassilyn . told him i will find time find baobei out to talk , but zhiwei don wan ehs . he sae give warning first cas now not confirm who . like that not good . damn . im tolerating man . one more time , they die i also die . fark fark fark . farking hell . this is the second time i heard from another person about queenstownians spreading nonsense . damn . i don wan my reputation end up like jeslyn mommy lurhs . fark . heng zhiwei say this kind of rumours sibei bo liao , he don believe and not ever ! mogan darling says they are WU LIAO . and im saying here , YOU PEEPS ARE FARKING WUGUI MAN . SAY IT IN FRONT OF ME LURHS . IM WAITING MAN . damn .

anw , don care . see how . let time stop the nonsense . fark . been staying at home this few days . was suppose to meet mogan darling todae . then i woke up late , he also say let me rest . don meet hao le . damn . then tmr's guo wen birthdae . although dunno him but darling ask me pei him go . tians . dunno at where . but will be meeting mogan darling tmr if he rmb . and then tmr afternoon wil be with zhiwei and dabudian bahs . around town i think . hmmms . fridae outing with laopo , baobeix pat , tracy dear , dabudian . weets . kaes .stop bloggin here hao le . =) . byes .

darling , 19 days . still counting on . =) .

this pic was on the morning with alan and patrick pa under block 13 . yeah . i was bored then .
really had nothing to do . really .
yawns .
this was going to the one with fabian and guys . waiting for dabudian de cab . yeah . took downstairs my house . lols . my hands seem long . weets .
steamboat dae with peeps , remember ? damn . all i wanted was to drink my soup !! sobx . she can't let me have a peaceful meal even lurhs .
took when papa brought us for no sign board . the seafood . yummy .
the ice cubes i wanted came in a ehs , big tong ? hahas . i wanted a cup ! damn .
the small little free desert . wanna know the joke behind it ? dabudian's blog . im not writing it here / lazy . lols .

the crab . yum . came in a delicious manner but we end it up like that . muahahas . anyone wanna eat together ? lalas .

what can i talk about nowadays ? i forget everthing . okays . ytd . went to meet jeslyn mommy . with those bunch of guys . wore bra for sentosa again . was suppose to go with that fabian but he didn't woke up . damn him . then 2 guys took numbers from me . one even shouted . " VIONNA <>

i nowadays keep hugging her when i sleeping okays ? i don even know lors . lols . dreams sabo people . lols . anw , stayed at home whole dae todae . only went out to eat just now . and cant find place to buy ciggs . damn . till now no ciggs . i shall buy later on . muahahahas . okays . some things happen just now . so i dunno where's dabudian now . farking patrick pa dunno how to drink , learn people drink til drunk . farking hell . aiya . don sae le . sae le will pek chek . hao bu rong yi eddy cheer me up . hmmms . see later go where nor . either meeting baby , or kai or eddy . sians . busy ! . yawns .

anw , i wanna thanks loads to this 3 people . one is dabudian . second laobudian . third is that someone i longed didn't talk about . wanna know something ? hehes . don have to worry le ! i don have to say what things don have to worry . u guys know ur own . dabudian was the first to know . hehes . she was happy and even said wanted to celebrate . muahahahas . anw , we shall be happy lurhs . no more stress about that farking guy . muahahahas . smiles people . thanks for worrying . really love u peeps to bits . =) .

kaes keas . i going to play audition with eddy liao . play awhile jiu go sleep le . bye guys ! see ya soon . PICS PICS ! weets =D . this week whole week booked . left with sat and sun . oppps . muahahas . bye ! loved .

love me for who i am then =D .

pa , first pic we took lei . i've known u for two years u know ?! tians . =D .
this meverick darling =) . never see me and him take pic before rights ? ! cas he also the same ! know 2 years but only this two pics ! arghs ~
sweetie ! u're peeps who bright up my days are 1OO% treasured by me lurhs ! =) .
kai & vionnaCHAN- .
i dunno what pics i have update . but i stil have loads more . so wish me good luck in rushing my blog bahs ! hahas .
shaolun and me . ! weets =D . pa was offing and on-ing the damn light . but his clever daughter me caught the right time to take a nice pic ! muaahahahas .
xiaobudian and dabudian ! harts <3>

im for u to pamper , to love to treasure , for u to have patience on . treat me bad and u'll die . i bite , i cry like a baby that never stops , i'll annoy u . muahahahas . =D .

weets =D . remember i say gonna find alan and patrick pa ? yup , we went to eat at my house here de market early in the morning . then slack at block 13 for an hour or so . then came back to my house . awhile later , i slept . then they do their things . talk and bla bla bla . then patrick pa and dabudian went to papa's room to sleep . then i slept at the living room cas i doze off there . remember i said i broke my damn nail . so deep , pain . ahahas . when i was sleeping , patrick pa and alan cut slowly for me . thanks =D . dote me then . muahahahas . after that alan woke me up asking if i wanna go to my room sleep . then i said no . then he went back and slept on my bed . woke up and saw my blanket with me , yet he was inside my cold room covered with a towel and my boster . so i tried taking up his towel to change to a blanket but he woke up . so i pass him the blanket then . i woke up for while , went down to buy ciggs and when i came back , dabudian woke up lerhs . then we slack and cook noodles . then ate and munch things . soon after when i went to bath , alan woke up , then i squeez myself to wake patrick pa up . hahas . then change to go to safra meet bing ru and chap chee . weets . then they went to market to eat then to safra . after that it was time for me to come home . i and dabudian ordered KFC again . muahahas . ate and then she went home . hahas .

as for ytd , i stayed home all day like the other day . weets =D . then at night papa brought me and dabudian for sea food . next blog wil have the pics of the food . ahahas . i'll list them out next time then .=) . currently 6.32 am . waiting for dabudian and patrick pa and alan to come . ordered mac cas patrick pa is paying . muahahas . then later around 1oam meeting fabian and elvin at habour front to sentosa . coming out at 4 to meet pa and alan to watch movie again . faints . busy ! thats all nors . hehes . that will be the end of todae again . fast lurhs . hahas . anws , treasuring everydae . =) . peeps , meet ups !! i miss you guys !! i mis mogan darling the most le lurhs ~ his stupid sweet testi . arghs ~ . was suppose to meet him later on , but don think so lerhs . might be meeting him with siman bahs =D . weets . take care guys . im going .

ger , i dunno why . i've already step out of the lives between the both of you . i did the same , i left memories of me and him alone . but why cant u ? yes , im always reading ur blog . no , i've stop reading his blog . why ask for break when it seems like u two are going well ? yes , its now u who cant forget . but do u know , im always the one being hurt for stupid reasons . ? just becas you're breaking with him , quarreling with him becas of me ? others think its my fault . they dosen't know what had happen . if its really me who cause u both to end up like that , im sorry . i don't know if whether he had threw the pics away . i don't know about the number and everything .but can u not leave him , and leave the reasons that had to got to do with me . ? i know u're reading my blog , i know he is too , but i just wanna u to know , girl , i've also tried my best and i did it , to leave the lives of the both of you . take care bahs . hmmms . =) .

peeps , leaving to taiwan [ maybe ] but thailand is confirm . if u wanna anything , contact me alrights . but rmb ! not to ex ! hahas . my trip there this time , i wil buy loads of presents for u peeps lurhs . be glad if i come back from my trip and then i contact u to meet up or something , cas there's something for u ! muahahahas . those peeps who dote me the most and everything , and i always feel it , u confirm have de ! wait oh ! hehes . =D . take care . bye ! .

pictures .. .. .. lols .

i can't upload anymore pics . dunno y . but i got more , loads more . so wait ! ahas .
=) .
is that all you left for me when u went away ?
due to his boliao-ness and sweet-ness , he asked for my chinese name and this is what i get . weets =D . ILOVEYOU !
took in the toilet , oh ya , forget tell u peeps . these pics all that time take at mummy's cousin b'dae de . the club hmmms ~~ .
the balloon i saw on the chair .
zilian with it . muahahahas . i have two moore dogs dogs . lazy put it pics up . hehes .
kai & vionnaCHAN- =D . that dae know de . hahas . he's the most friendliest . lols .

then ken and me . hahas . also that dae know de . =) .he was really damn fierce at first , and then due to my crazyness , he was friendly then . muahahahas .

for hating you , i blame myself .

abit mind blank now . currently 5.45am , waiting for xin hui , patrick pa , alan to come my house here mam mam . arghs . im getting tired . yawns . dunno what to block ? cant put pics up . so sorry ! hahas . anws , got alot of pics arhs . so u peeps must wait hors ! hahas .

ytd so cb arhs . 12.ooam dabudian call . i sleeping . 2.ooam , meverick darling call , i also sleeping . but woke up becas of HIM ! judy called at 4 something , say wan come my house . then use com til 6.35 go down meet judy for breakfast . called meverick join us , waited for him til 7.ooam . eat , talk , slack till 11 something . around 11 like that , two of meverick fren's came down . yawns . then i and judy come home sleep . yawns . till four something wake up . i go bath , judy go buy chicken rice . eat lerhs , patrick jiu come liao . then watch tv til 6+ , papa fetch us there . then waited for them til 7.45 . damn . saw jody and the rest . weets =D . they were going MOS and bugis . was jio-ed by them to go bugis , but cant . sobx . then dabudian waiting for us at marina . poor her , but worst , POOR US TOO . !! . then we took taxi down . then went to eat . till 9 something they go play arcade . then around 1o+ judy and weisheng went home . the rest of us waited for my father to fetch us to NTU . cos there's a club there . and my mother side , one of her cousin's b'dae . then was allow to bring frens . after that reach le , got lost there lei . damn . then mummy called two teenagers " guys " to brought us up . phew , finally mum's mind was useful . muahahaas . then i became siao suddenly . so high . hahas . then reach that time , meverick , patrick and shaolun went to play pool . i and xin went to sing at the karaok . so shiok hors , there got two majong room . 3 singing room . one dance floor , one long bar , few sits to sit , 2 pool table , 1 farking big swimming pool . lols . then after that few guys came in to join us after patrick they all with us . then sing , play , til 4 something . took a taxi down to mum's house , use her sport's car to bring us back to my house . then we play and ki siao awhile , i and xin slept . then those 3 guys 1o something then sleep . yawns . they slept at papa's room . hahas . woke everyone up around 4 something , then ordered mac . between 45 mins , we ate maggie mee , vegetables and ham . lols . and mac came ! 2o piece nuggets . 5 fish fillets . 5 packets of fries , 5 drinks . arghs , i nearly died . lols . then around 7 something , meverick went to his fren house . around 9 , dad send them home . weets =D . i didn't went out todae , dad should be happy u know ? ! muahahahaas .

and around 1osomething just now , i doze off without letting baby know . oppps . then woke up aorund 12 , dabudian lurhs . woke me up again . damn . i can't have my peaceful sleep always ! ewww . on SILENT AND LET IT VIBRATE ! muahahahas . then talk on fone till 5.15 , she went to prepare , now currently 6.10 . 6.25 - 3o , i gonna open my house door to wait for her . and then after leaving her things , OFF TO EAT WE GO . weets . and buy ciggs ! yes , im dying . i just finished my last one . ewww . 2 days a packet , fark , my wallet wil go blank . damn . ewwww . no work somemore . aiya , don care lerhs . now baby yang me , cas his working later on ! muahahas . at plaza sing . so peeps , wan see me ? go plaza sing . i'll be there mostly everyday in late evening ~ lalaas . anws , later patrick and alan also coming i think . mostly bahs , i wil call meverick if he wanna come . the more the merrier bahs . hahas . then later going find davin and guys , late eveing to plaza sing . and maybe at night , jody ~ hahas .cas he's leaving tmr , to malaysia and thailand usnig car ! damn . he's going for long , i'll miss u boy ! =D . take care alrights . loved .

todae thurs , booked . fridae not sure yet . sat sentosa and maybe bugis . sun also forget . nvm , the one who remember wil remind me . hahas . next week prepare to meet up everyone . i've just messaged liyong darling . asking beibei darling soon . then will message yuanping baby . I WANNA MEET KEN AND PEEPS , they said wanna go kbox . alrights . ahaahas . see u soon guys =D .

kaes kaes . im going . chatting with eddy . and my nail broke todae . sobx. pain , i haven cut it yet . arghs ~ it bleeded just now . fark it . and then gonna edit my media's player later on . open door and prepare to meet them . yups . busy day , tired one too indeed =D . kaes lurhs . bye peeps . loved . hmmms .

blood is more beautiful than love , the penknives told me so . =) . they told me to let my memories go by using them , i remembered my past then .

see the damn flyers . oh my tian lurhs .
i remember why i took this pic . cas dabudian say her phone dunno take not good or what lurhs . then i say PIAN REN , then i use hers to take . see !! so ke ai . lols . oppps =X .

baby pei me everydae when working arhs , xin ku ni lerhs ! =D .

let's talk about todae arhs . BEING A GUAI KIA , I STAYED HOME ALL DAY TODAE . BABY AFTER SCHOOL CAME TO PEI ME AT HOME . weets =D . darling chou chou arhs , never bath jiu come pei me liao . ewww .. nvm . hehes . then todae mood not really good arhs , dunno why hmmms . think cas of sick sick arhs . ewww . then actually for dinner papa suggest go mam mam the seafood at geylang there derhs . the " WU ZAO PAI " arhs . dunno u all know anot . then papa ask me call dabudian ask her want go marhs . then i call her hmms , then she say don wan , house cook . also dunno what make me so pek chek arhs , just say okays lors , byebye . then put down . then baby thot what make me so pek chek , then he give me kiss kiss . weets =D . but nvm lurhs , i don blame dabudian anws . just xiguan to everydae see her , eat together and bla bla bla . ewww . faints . then after that i tell papa , she not coming then ask papa buy chao guo tiao and rice and soup come back share share . cas we everytime like that marhs . PEEPS , TRY CHAO GUO TIAO AND RICE PLUS SALTY SALTY DE FISH SOUP . nice okays . mix together , lalas . its not er xin okays . its delicious . muahahas . then ask papa buy finish call me , he never . straight away come home then saw baby . OH MY TIAN LURHS . but dunno why he never scold arhs , stil smile . oppps . then after that baby go lerhs i jiu prepare mam mam . then eat finish lerhs , watch tv awhile jiu doze off lei . damn . then papa off lights for me . sleep till 12.ooam , dabudian call me then wake me up . actually thot of waking up but slept back again . hahas . tian arhs ~ then 2.ooam meverick darling call me . damn . i can't have my peaceful sleep . then talk awhile he jiu put down asking me to go back sleep . but can't lerhs , i woke up , use com , watch vcd , chou yan . then when watching vcd arhs , stupid zhen xi " XIAOKERO " call me . then talk on fone til 4 something , just , then put down . so dots lurhs , he message me nights message til like i his stead arhs . tian arhs . HONG HONG HONG ! i like tiff mehs ? why he wil fall for me ? ! bu guan lerhs , not my business . then just came back to my room hmms , stupid patrick papa bluff me say judy with him now . arghs ~ then meverick darling say meet him tmr before we go mam mam . means we go together lurhs . cas he now at his fren house , at my block nias . then i ask him tmr call me . whee . wonder what time wil i wake up tmr . my marcus darling and ken also got go . REALLY GATHERING . hope dabudian wil fail her exams and come down NA arhs , hahas , cas she kana like our class instead of hers . oppps . then now use com , nobody pei me . sobx . i also going back orh orhs liao . weets =D .

anws hmms , just open second acc . first acc already reach MAX of friends . so peeps , add me at my second acc alrights . my-evoled_@hotmail.com . =) . hmmms .

unable to forget those memories hanging . when each of u goes MIA , leaving me in lurch , who feels what i feels ? who understands then when time comes ? u blocked me from msn , its obvious . i dunno why . another one , u're always online yet u don't talk . i don really mind if you talk to me or not . but when we talked , you always told me things i don wanna know . you said you can't understand why u do still miss me . CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG . i let the both of you go . i don't sit and pray hoping u both would be back . but is that true that not even friends we can go on ? not even love ones ? i told myself to forget forget and forget . but when i do , i will receive ur news . sweet one , im really interested to know the person in ur testi that thomas wrote for you . how i wish someone would tell me . i'll be waiting then . I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH , EVERY FEELING U , U HAVE . thats all then .

tues : gathering with classmates for steamboat at marina south .

wed : not sure , might be going down to find david and guys .

thurs : sentosa , not confirm .

fri : might be meeting zhen xi , or others .

sat and the rest of the daes , not sure . yuanping and girls . not sure when meeting them also . very long never go find guan hong lerhs . i'll find time to go down suntec then . =) . jio me out soon oh , peeps ! take care . hmmms . loved .

anws ! the BUDIAN'S FAMILY sick sick liaos . hmmms .

xiaobudian : slight cough and flu . slight fever comes and go . currently feel like vommitting . arghs , sux .

dabudian : kong bu de flu . soar throat , slight fever now and then , think so .

LAOBUDIAN : FEVER , SOARTHROAT . muahahahas . u know why ? becas he laugh me on the fone when he was trying to care for me . and right in the middle of the night , he called me telling me he was down with fever and soarthroat . his cough woke him up from his sleep ! lalas . serve him right . muahahahas .

hmms . i wan u guys to take care of yourselves oh . everybody sick liao . just saw shanling's nick , saying that she's sick , down with a fever and some other things . david's sick too . oh my tian lurhs . u guys gotta take good care of yourselves hmmms . loved . =) . weets .

currently getting scolding my patrick pa , dead . sians .

loved . nice nice ~ =) .
darlings , baobeis , budians . loved . =) .
nice background effect hurhs ? hahas .
stupid lurhs this pic . ewww . lols .
gays , no choice . i can't help , hahas . nahs nahs , they're my cuties ! wheee ..
keith ! AND EHS , THE BOSS OF THE SHOP . hahas .
working for sony . the end also tio sack . happy anws , if not work til so tong ku . lols .
vionnaCHAN- . then . lalas .
vionnaCHAN- & NGxinhui - besties .
she said this pic was nice . lols .
dunno why i take with him , then the pic so blur . arghs ~

lastly , weets boy =D .

long long no blogged again arhs , hahas . anws . short and sweet this blog shall be . cas im too tired to blog now lurhs . hahas . hanging around with those chalet peeps , means david they all . and then my stanley . and no one . hahas . i miss my night life lurhs . waiting for someone who can open my lock still man . hahas . tues got class gathering . only the few of us . i hope it will be fun lurhs . hahas . then nowadays also very bored arhs , cas sick sick lerhs . awhile soar throat , awhile fever , awhile flu . ewww . what the hell man . . hahas . nvm nvm ~ never sick til like what jiu ke yi lerhs . hehes . then arhs , *8th of dec going thailand . might be going taiwan . not sure , its for me to decide whether to go . lalas .

kaes kaes . going lerhs , talking to my stanley arhs . weeee . if i don stop , i jiu cant concentrate talking to him lerhs . go lerhs go lerhs . bye peep ! remember to tagg me oh , don kay siao read my blog lerhs run away . i'll bite . muahahahas . take care ! loved .

PICTURES ! MORE AND MORE OH ! MUAHAHAHAS .

keith , xin hui , vionna , jody , david , kevin , jinqi , bryan . LOLS . blur pic isn't it ?! cas everyone walk off as soon as we heard the camara sound ! lalas . haas .
okays , we were at queensway . lols . there're more pics coming up later . lalas .
me and keith . i dig him out from him buying clothes to take pics . hahas .
blinked * lols .
mr . david and miss . vionna once again . =D .
before going to queensway , was behind it at the hawker eating . waiting for food . hahas .
another act cute one . YEAH !! i found my zilian partner ! weets =D .
after accompanying them working at raffles . hahas . DO-RE-MI-FA-SO .! oppps .
i realise i look like a hamster nowadays . how ? lols .
this damn picture was days ago at bugis there de hawker . damn . lols . see how happy he is ? ! muahahahas .
im sorry xin hui , so sorry . lols . BUT COME`ON . LOOK AT THE STUPID PERSON BEHIND DAVID . hahas .

its forever , isn't it ? ! =) . loved .